A Good Saturday in April

Dear K,

I have so much to tell you. Such a long time too. There's been a lot of changes. Regarding all my health issues, I went to do an ECG. It was so invasive, I'm glad it was done by a female doctor, not very glad actually but at least I can sleep at night. The result was good, so apparently I really am battling with stress and anxieties. How do I deal with that now? I'm having to go to the gym, I tried Kundalini yoga the other day, it's very tough. I'm going to be learning how to swim, doing pilates, some strength training and cardio. I also want to get my teeth done. I'm going to go for a free consultation soon, and probably get invisalign. I have also started counting calories! I need to eat certain amounts more than 2000 calories a day to actually gain any weight. I'm targeting 60kg in August.

My mum came around in March and we finally had 'the talk'. I was really glad to see her but didn't want to see her too much so I could dodge the awkward conversations on men, money and marriage. Anyways, she trapped me one night after work, while we were in the kitchen having dinner at my place. I told her I didn't have to get married and she was taken aback and furious, I tried to explain to her that she already had grandkids, lol! plus I had four more siblings that could be put to the task. I did tell her about W, I think my mum just wanted to hear that I'd considered a MAN, not a woman. She also said she didn't mind if the guy was going to be 'White'. I told her if I was going to do a wedding, it would have no jamboree, just family and we, the couple. She was fine with it, what a relief! It was sad to see her go, but I was fricking happy that she made a number of dishes which I have stocked in my freezer before she left.

Work. My colleague was fired. I don't know all the details but I was so surprised, not too surprised in that I thought the guy was going to call it quits himself. I'm having to step up big time, I have interviewed a junior person, who I will be managing from next week. There also is this guy...I won't say much about him, but there's been a bit of flirting here and there. Just going to watch and see how it goes.

Right now, I think I'm in a really good place. I'm understanding more and more what it means to trust God. I'm getting to know God on a whole new level. Lots of things still don't make sense to me, but I think keeping an open mind makes it worth it. I may not know something today, neither do I know what tomorrow will bring. I love my church, and the people I've got to meet through it. Leading a bible study is a huge task, and one can't pray enough for strength and courage.

I do have a cold now, and W is around, I really just hope we can figure out what we want from each other, and where we should be heading in the months to come. I really do respect this guy.

It's Easter. Yay. I'm off work for 6 days, trying to get all the rest I can. This is one of those times you get to remind yourself, how good you have things. I called up family, wishing them the best for now and ever. Got to speak with my dad, who brought up the topic of my writing, I wonder what spurred him to inquire. I love to write, I love fiction, but in the past years, I haven't done it as seriously as I'd like, as seriously as I took it in secondary school, where my books got stolen. I think this is something to really put into action. I was thinking about developing a site with someone on writing, given my new knowledge of coding in wordpress, I may have to give it a go myself.

Hmm, exciting times.

Do have a brilliant time this Easter break, and we shall talk soon. See! a pic for you.

Yours, E.

End of February Blues

Dear K,

I hope you are ok, I'm a right mess. Ok, not really but my last two weeks have been pretty rough. From Anxieties to Stress, I'd been anxious over my health you know. I went to see a therapists, who tested the muscles all over my body, I was scared for a bit, a man do ing all these stuff, in his room..anything could have happened. I'm really glad I still managed to go for the Weekend Away at Ascot with my bible study group. It was refreshing and a great reminder that I should cast all my cares on God. 'Why be anxious about anything' Jesus said.

After it all, getting back to work was not easy.lol. I got my test results also and they were normal! weight lifted off. My older sister came in and I saw her off this last weekend, after a whole day of walking up and down in the West-End my legs hurt! Finally got those Uggs, now I can see what the fuss is all about. My Sunday was chill, I was home alone, ordered waffles and ice-cream, I really lived it up lol.


Anyways, I was at my Uncle's because my sister was staying there, when I got home Saturday night, my Landlady told me I had flowers waiting for me, I was like Who, Who? I was so surprised, I couldn't imagine who. I thought, what if W had sent them? My Landlady asked, do you know who sent them? I was like 'Not yet, I have to ask' 'All these guys' she quipped. In my mind, I thought 'yeah right'
So there, the first ever flowers I've gotten from a guy. There was a note attached, which made me guess even more that it was W.


Yeah, I and W, we've gone our ways. It's so hard to be in a LDR, I think it's one of such things that added to my stress. A relationship that barely even started. You know he went on a 'break' this month, and even while I was looking forward to the end of the break, when we got to speak, the reality dawned on me, that there was no use. Things have to move beyond this situation of being oceans apart, not communicating frequently or doing stuff together *sigh*, there was no solution so it all had to come to an end. We are still friends ofcourse, but I'm going to have to stop seeing him in that light. It's not easy, but better now than later.
I will update you as things go by. So far this is where we are at. I leave you with a picture of the flowers, so lovely. I know I owe you a picture of my hair, will do in my next letter.


Bye Bye for now.




E

Panic Room

Dear K,

How are you doing. I am sure you are in pain just as I am. Whitney Houston..unbelievable. I was still awake when I saw the news stream through my twitter feed. I had to double check my brain, there is no one else with that same name that I knew. Devastating. What's even worse is you can't begin to imagine what the family is going through. 

All what I was going to write to you about seems so insignificant now. Let's talk about life and what's more important. Last week, I've been having some issues and I did go see the doctor, currently expecting results. And then on Sunday, after managing to get some sleep after seeing the sad news, I woke up with a massive headache. It seemed like my brain had turned to stone, just awful. I still managed to get down to church, had a chat with a number of people, then headed to my Uncle's house for his birthday. The atmosphere in this house is always really warm and cosy but for some reason I was still as cold as ice. My headache was getting worse and my temperature started climbing. It was while I was lying in bed later, medicated, after having a panic attack, that I could see how the day came together.

My landlady and family traveled Sunday Morning. The trains were not running from my station and I wanted to go to church, normally I wouldn't have gone. Then it being my Uncles birthday meant I had to go to their house plus my sister was flying in otherwise I wouldn't have gone out.

Now, What if I had to be home alone, with everything coming down on me. I would have had to go to A & E and only God knows what would have happened to me. 

Whitney's issue, My issue, once again solidifying the fact that we humans are NOT meant to be alone. We can have our privacy but to be alone, is just not right.

I got lots of help yesterday and I am just so glad to have such people around me. My sister and I talked around my thing with our mum. I really can't pinpoint why our relationship is so strained, but I will definitely put more effort into keeping in touch, my sister says she will be around sometime soon, I think that'd be wonderful.

I hope you are doing great. I just want you to know that I will always be there for you, as much as my capabilities can go.

Yours Always,

E.

The Weeknd

Dear K,

How have you been? You asked about my weekend, well it was Chill. That's the word that really seems to fit everything this weekend. I woke up on Saturday with some sniffing, I didn't do my usual, 12am. I woke up about 9am, I really wanted to get productive. I had a shower and began to arrange my room, you know it's never really a disaster but I like things a bit more tidy. I thought about the next week, I punished myself for that, weekend is for rest. 

After breakfast of scrambled eggs, Nigerian style, remember? With peppers, curry, maggi..except I had no maggi but it tasted really nice. I ate it with bread and butter then I started to think of what to do with my hair, you see I loosened it from my braids on Friday night and it's grown so much, I can't stop touching it. Anyways I opened two new packs of kinky hair and began to twist my hair I wish I did't start because it wasn't worth the effort, I loosened them on Sunday morning. 

For the rest of Saturday, I did laundry and really cleared up my room, I was satisfied, I even managed to hang up that painting I bought, two for a Fiver lol! with Blue Tack. My landlady told me later that evening, it was going to snow. She and her family were so excited, I thought, perhaps white folk don't feel white until it snows. Snow? I had given up on it anyway. Really, I was not ready for it at all, so when I peeked outside my bedroom bay windows and saw the white landscape, mixed emotions welled up in me. It seemed like that guy you waited for all your life and then when you finally let go, he comes back and declares love but the glad thing is, soon after, you realise that while he's pretty to look at, in minutes he would turn icy and could kill you. No my dear K, snow is not for me. 

One good thing though, I got to chat with C, she's somewhere in North America, great gal, it was wonderful catching up. I listened to a sermon from the church on Trust, it really got to me, you know how I am.lol. Did I tell you I'm now a Quora addict? Hehe. 


 Sunday! I woke up with promise then I found out the trains from my station were not running, yikes! there goes my shopping. Got breakfast as usual, I'm trying to eat on time these days but I had it at 12pm! Still I was determined to have a good day. I got to watch the Prime of Miss Jean Brodie I couldn't love Maggie Smith more and The Lion King! I Recorded it this time, I was overjoyed plus did I tell you I saw it at the Lyceum Theatre, Christmas Time? it was Amazing!!! We have to go see it together. Later I did some laundry and concentrated on my hair and oh yes I made some mean rice mix with that roast chicken from Tesco, I tell you this store is the devil. By the end of the day I'd made good enough progress with my hair, I'll send u a picture when I'm completely done, for now enjoy my winter picture!.

Hello There

It's a new month, an old year and what not. Not much is going on in my life, but I'm extremely grateful for the bit that is. I want to lend my talents to much more because I do feel im under utilizing my time. Lots of projects I've started have gone no where mostly because I think I have no support, but I've found out the reality of that. I'm happier that I'm being able to affect peoples lives directly as they affect mine. Anyways, I want to start a new way of writing my blog since I've been highly uninspired recently. I would blog by writing a letter to my friend, K. I've always loved K names since I can remember, but it does partially lend itself to one of those I first ever remember calling a friend.

Cheers!

I'm Becoming My Mother

My mum is one of the most caring people I know. Weird for me to say that, but one day I've had to admit the truth. She obviously hasn't done EVERYthing that I've liked, but it was her way of expressing things. It definitely is not the best and could be wrong, but it was the only way she knew how.

One of the images in my mind as I think of my mum, is her energy and strength. She would do a million and one things for the family before taking off her shoe.

Yesterday, after work, I went down to the grocery store, that is, I spent 2hrs between my work and my house. When I got in, I went straight for the kitchen, and began to cook. After 30mins, with everything slow cooking, I got a bowl of cereal and decided to sit down. Just then, I realized I hadn't even taken my coat off, my scarf still around my neck and even my ear-muff was on my head. I smiled and took a seat. 

Some New Year Advice

Resolutions. I know this is definitely in almost everyone's mind. We all love the idea of a fresh start..a clean slate. We want to plan, we want to take action and mostly we'd prefer to be successful at it. Well, I have just the resolution for you; if you are going to watch The Girl With The Dragon Tattoo (2011), DO NOT see it with family (err..except your spouse).

Good Luck.

Happy New Solar Orbit.

Who even says it's today that the earth began a new orbit around the sun. My ancestors used to mark a 'year' with the new yams which they harvest. But imagine a world where everyone is running on their own time, nothing will get done. While time is relative, unity is more important. That's why I am here :)


I was going to write a massive end of 2011 post, but I like a fresh start better. 2011 was a year of growth, in lots of ways. I had a number of 'firsts' and I was forced to acknowledge my weaknesses, more importantly I knew that I had strengths to build on.


So when the clock struck 12:00 am, I was sat on my bed with my flat screen tv tuned to BBC. I had changed it from a comedy show just seconds before, and I heard people on the telly, chant; 5, 3, 2, 1 HAPPY NEW YEAR!!! Everyone screamed. I was ready to sleep but the fireworks display was pretty awesome PLUS they played DBanj's music, sign of things to come? I managed to get a foot and back massage before I eventually slept. I woke up at 12:00 pm, called a number of folks and family. I have thought about many resolutions for the year, but the one that seemed to stand out today is to make more time for 'family' they are worth it.


Have a Splendid Year.

Nobody is Single.

Image: Bienenwabe

The first time I learnt about this story, The Lonely Death of Joyce Vincent ...some months back, I was moved to tears. I've always wanted to live alone, but with other people. I remember describing to someone, how if one lived alone, calling for help in an emergency may be impossible. I don't think humans are supposed to live alone. What bites me most about the story is that no one bothered to check for her, it hits close to home, but 3 years...astonishing. I wish we would realize how much strength we can find in reaching out to someone, and if we took more time outside of our own selves to reach out to people like this. 

I remember some weeks ago when I took a sick day off from work. I learnt about the death of El-rufai's daughter who is my agemate, and lived alone. I almost had a panic attack, I was so sad about it. I thought to myself, alone in my room. 'I don't want to end up like that'  Humans..we all need somebody.

This leads me to one thing that is true, Nobody is Single. Everyone has atleast one relationship with another person. And even if you can't pinpoint a specific relationship, think of your relationship with Humankind and Nature. A man-woman relationship or sexual relationship isn't the zenith of relationships, it is just ONE kind. People should not be made to feel less than they are because they are not  in that kind of relationship, some can EASILY do without this (e.g ME) with no sense of loss. 

Ofcourse 'society' will pander to what sells, Sex, Romance, this drives SALES, but is really a selfish concept and has made people think less of themselves. The individualistic philosophy of the Western world, where everyone screams ME, ME, ME has lead to this terrible, harmful mindset. We can do without this and is really the better way.

If you are alone in your house this season, stop thinking about yourself for one second and lamenting that you are 'single' There are many out there, who need someone to talk to. Call somebody, Go to your local shelter and volunteer, do something!

I hope it won't be too late for us to realize that all we have is each other.


Edit: If you can read> http://www.cascadance.com/why-neuroscience/
also, Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers..where he writes about the Rosetta Community, very interesting.

A Festival of Slaps

Ok, so I thought this video below was very funny. So funny that it made tears run down my cheeks. If it doesn't make you laugh, then we can't be friends.

A week ago, I heard about another 'festival of slaps' video, and was keen to see what it was all about. I heard it involved 'Bishop' Oyedepo, I knew this was not going to make me laugh given his past records and I was right.

Not only did I not laugh, I felt angry. So angry it made tears run down my cheeks. If it doesn't make you sad, then you can't be human.

I am sad about Ignorance, one which led her to that church.

I am angry that this man could assault someone and in public then go scot-free. Not only preaching a self-centered gospel but living in that way. It makes me boil.

What can We do? 

Educate People, Take a Stand against such and Pray! 

Ceremonials

One of the better albums I've listened to this year. My best songs are;
Shake It Out
No Light, No Light
Never Let Me Go
If Only For The Night
Spectrum
Remain Nameless
Heartlines

Plus I just realized that 'You've got the love' is a Gospel track, I couldn't love it more.

Are You Bored?

see funny christmas pics here

I don't like to believe that I am the only who is bored of having to celebrate the same things, year in, year out. Are we so uncreative that we cannot attempt to make our celebrations a bit more 'special' 

 It saddens me that organizations use these celebrations, these 'traditions' to prey on us the gullible, adverts go up when you expect them, urging you to buy some expensive gift for your 'loved ones' 

 I am quite certain that if we refuse to accept things that have just been handed to us, it would be less easy for things to control us. 

 That said, I can't wait to move to my farm.

Blink!

'Snap Judgements' 'Impulse buys' 'First Impressions' We all know what these mean, decisions we take at the spur of the moment which are not premeditated or planned before hand. I call FALSE, and this is exactly what Malcolm Gladwell in his Blink! book points out. Snap judgments are not really made up there and then, they take time to build up, they are 'learned'. Even emotions, a hot tempered person wasn't born hot tempered. Actions and Decisions are complex, nothing really happens 'simply'

Yesterday I tried to explain the reasons I left Twitter to someone who asked why. I remember saying 'It wasn't like I planned it or anything, I was just tweeting and then I just stopped' When I put the phone down, I felt like I had just lied. While my decision at the time, appeared to be done, 'snaply' I had thought about leaving twitter, times without number, I had thought of the things that I couldn't reconcile with myself. Basically it had been a long time coming.

Another example, would be suicides which leave you with no explanations as to what must have happened. Gary Speed, everyone is saying 'oh he was so happy, this and that, the day began like every other day'. I don't think he was possessed or someone killed him, so what happened?. It may seem like a spur of the moment thing, but it really is just an outward manifestation of minutes, seconds, days of buildup in the mind.

Next time you think your decision or action 'just happened', blink, think again. I am sure that having this knowledge would help us give our actions a second over before we make them. It will also help us reduce the judgements we pass on others and frequency of bad decisions or actions. 

Living with Harry

I got to speak about my dogs this weekend, and it almost brought tears to my eyes. I miss having my wolf-dogs around for lots of reasons. Right now, I have to put up living with a cat, I wonder if my landlady will allow me get a dog in, the chances are slim. Also, who would take care of the dog?, I'm out of the house for the most part of the week, even though I try to keep my weekends to myself. 

Living with a cat is well..different. Harry is a black cat, which I found out recently is one of the most unlikable cats. I mean in Nigeria, I know their reasons, what with black cats being evil and witchcraft connected, but right here too, many seem not to want them.  Harry only purrs and pays you mind, when he is hungry. Harry is quite old, so he doesn't seem to do a lot of sneering. I have carried him once or twice without claws coming out or receiving the deadly cat spit. It really is a different mood with this animal. There is no warm receive from this cat, just green-eyed looks that make you want to shake it to its bones, and scream, 'say something will ya'!

I will try to see what I can do about getting a dog. In a little time of over 3months, Harry has taught me that I will never be a cat person.

I have an Infection

I have played this song no less than 500 times in a week. Even after I stop playing it, 'Gold Canary' 'Gold Canary' still keeps ringing in my brain, I do not know why.

Tell Me Like It Is

I am a stickler for honesty. Anyone who knows me, knows that. We have a few people we know who we can hold that label up for. It's even more difficult on the internet where it seems, we have free reign to invent the sort of life we think we ought to have or maybe what we want others to see.

Given this, it is always such a big thing, to run into someone who tells it like it is, how are you sure? you say. I don't know why, the book, Blink! talks much about this sorts of things, but..I ask you to take a look yourself.

I introduce you to Penelope Trunk. You will not like lots of the things she writes, I don't. I can't describe the way it's playing in my brain...but I appreciate this lady so much.

Are You a Stylist?

So, I'm thinking of having a blog to post ( or just posting here), stuff that I wear to work. One of the funniest things, I learnt this past week is that people see me in a veeery different light at work. One guy who had been stalking me (I'm serious!) said he thought I was a stylist, because I wear 'crazy' stuff to work. Let me tell you about where I work.


I work in an online games company. The male to female ratio is 20:1. Most people are on Jeans and Teeshirts (even the females) or smart trouser and smart shirts/smart dress. But I burst in there with all my colours and my uncoventional hair-do, and I'm branded, crazy, weird, pyscho....(in jest or reality, doesn't matter)
They don't even take it into consideration that while I'm not a Developer, part of my job is to make their lives easy *shakes head at their ignorance*


Anyways after having a good laugh over it, it was like an inception into my mind and I began to think, hmm..why not do this, at least when I have the time. I think it would be fun, and maybe I won't appear to be so crazy after all! lol.

Why You Need to Cook

So I was on this website and yet again, the article spoke about a guy who told a girl that she was single because she couldn't cook.
On the contrary I think I'm single because I can cook and I cook. I have no time for fancy dinners or movie dates, because I need to go home. I live 40mins away from work on the tube and no one is going to give me their food for lunch.


That said, not that I think cooking or non-cooking equates to one's single or doubleness, it is important for people to know how to cook. At least at the basic level, no one is saying to become a Gordon or Nigella. 


1. You don't know when you will really need the skill. 


2. It is way healthier, plus you will be able to track things easily when you fall ill. You really don't want to know what happen behind the doors in restaurants. Keep eating out at the minimum.


3. It saves money. I could spend my whole months grocery cost on a week of eating out, even less than a week.


4. It could be loads of fun, yes, this said from someone who doesn't like cooking. But I managed to 'invent' a nice dish, that I'd never seen anyone do and it was great, even my co-workers were like, hmm that smells good and looks real healthy. It was.


5. Therapeutic? yes sometimes, or times its just a rush and mess, but then you can go into it with a mindset to relax after work or on the weekends and whip something up. I find that most of my cooking doesn't take more than an hour, and that's fine by me.


6. If you get to cook for people, even better! isn't it great seeing people happy? and satisfied? I think it does help to bind people together. Like I've said before cooking is one way to show love ^_^. If couples are fighting, it's hard for them to cook for each other, except there's poison in it. lol.


This is not exhaustive...but yes, cook!

Rant about Proposals

I really don't get wedding proposals to be honest. and why does it have to be in public, most of the time???

Let's break it down a bit. Why do we need to have wedding proposals?
I figure;

1. The person proposing doesn't know what the other will say, this begs the question, why propose at all to someone you are unsure of and in public, thus risking humiliation from both the person and onlookers??

2. The person proposing knows what the answer is, this begs the question, why do all the acting and feigning of surprise, I mean seriously??

Just thinking...

I'm Awkward and I love it!

Also! I love Awkward Girl!! You have to watch ALL the episodes! I've laughed myself into tears!! LOL

Enjoy!