On Gay Marriage

Once upon a time my views were clear cut. They are still clear cut but largely irrelevant. A couple of questions loom large in my brain. Does Marriage save? Does Marriage make you holy? Does the law save? Does the law make people holy? If you are a Christian, you need to answer these seriously.

If it doesn't, what the fuss? If it does, carry on.

On Marriage

I have written about marriage a number of times, 

Excerpts from TD Jake's book, which I still agree with, Marriage made me catch cold. Facebook said my wedding would be June of this year, well it's September and I'm still unmarried, in your face Facebook! My uncle said I would marry a Yoruba guy, which made me really laugh, he just might be right. I still stand by this post, No one should be getting married just to have offspring Funny enough, that same friend, wanted to date me this year, naaa. 

I started a series called the Mrs Club, you can read part 1, part 2, part 3. I still don't get proposals and My husband can come from anywhere, yes, even the internet! 

But! I must revisit the subject for some reasons. I admit, I have an aversion for the matter, I do not like to see people (some) get married, mainly because they don't seem to understand what they are doing. I do get a sick sense of satisfaction when I see some get divorced, It's almost like me saying 'I told you!'

Anyway, even in that I asked God to help me see it in a different light, why? because God created humans and created marriage. "For this reason.." That's the only way I was going to drop my selfish and stubborn approach.

Something dawned on me today when I talked to a colleague who just got married. She had been already been living together with her husband, they had a house, joint accounts and properties for the past 7 years. I asked her if she felt different and you could see the joy in her face. She said she had no idea she would be 'happier' even though, after the registry and intimate celebration with friends they went back to their normal routine. There was no reason for her to be happy, nothing had changed, she didn't gain any thing. 

Yes, I realized that the reason for her joy was the simple fact that God ordained marriage. Now, moving on to the other things that became clear to me. This is all gonna get spiritual up in here!

1. The Root (The proposal)

The bible makes it clear that our salvation depends on God alone. We depend on God. We are just to accept the gift but we can't do anything to make God love us more or less neither can we do anything to turn us holy or holier, grace is freely given. 

Marriage is a shadow of salvation, Paul talks to Husbands and Wives in Eph 5:22-33 and in 32, talks about the root and the whole point. Christ and us the Church. Marriage for us should be such that when we accept our groom's proposal, nothing should be able to come between us. The Groom should not love us less or more based on our behaviors, I know we are but humans... The Groom as the name implies should be helping us become a better person (vice versa on the human level) 

2.The Mark (The contract)We have been sealed with the Holy Spirit Eph 1:13,14. We have not just been proposed to, but a contract has been drawn up, and sealed. The bible makes a clear distinction between spouses and partners we just live with (See the Woman at the well) We are Christs's without a shadow of a doubt. People tend to respond very well to facts (A marriage certificate for example). This is where for me the importance of having a tangible marriage contract comes in, even though I still don't think it should be physical.  However at this point, we don't do things to make our groom love us more, instead we do things because of the love the groom has poured on us and overflows from us. How do you love?, you do the things your beloved asks you to do, If my husband, asked me to go to the registry court with him, I would go now with no argument. Another aspect is obeying the laws of the land, if the country you live in doesn't recognize a marriage without it being officially put down in the registry you shouldn't disobey, live by the laws of the land. 1 Peter 2:13-17.

3.The Fruits (The feast)

Now, for folks that are in Christ, you didn't accept Christ so you can bear fruits, you bear fruits only because Christ transforms you. You don't do good so that God can love you, You do good because God loves you. Same with marriage. In the bible, offspring are referred to as fruits and also the actions of the Spirit. So, you don't bear a child so you can be married neither do you go into a marriage so you can bear children. The love you have within your marriage should be the motivator for you to bear fruits, children. And even if you don't bear fruits that people see, it doesn't invalidate your salvation. The thief on the cross didn't have a chance to bear fruit but he was going to be in paradise with Christ. So people who do not have children are not less married. Children should be born out of love.

Wheew, that's as far as my thoughts have carried me, until next time.

Peace.

Rant about Proposals

I really don't get wedding proposals to be honest. and why does it have to be in public, most of the time???

Let's break it down a bit. Why do we need to have wedding proposals?
I figure;

1. The person proposing doesn't know what the other will say, this begs the question, why propose at all to someone you are unsure of and in public, thus risking humiliation from both the person and onlookers??

2. The person proposing knows what the answer is, this begs the question, why do all the acting and feigning of surprise, I mean seriously??

Just thinking...

Mrs Club pt3 : Is Marriage still Necessary?

Wheew, I'm definitely not getting younger! this year I'm moving into a new age bracket, no pressure yet but its getting realistic. Marriage is a topic which never ends, and looking at the stats, the rate of divorce is very high, some would even say Marriage is the number one cause of divorce..cracks me up. Still, it's not an issue to be ignored, but what does it mean to us, what does it mean to society.

Is it still necessary? 

I've never thought going to a registry, a church or whatever is necessary, but the heart of marriage, which is a life-long commitment is Very Necessary. If we understand this and begin to live in such a capacity, I can only see a better world than what we currently have to shoulder.

I am a Christian and it is only from a Christian perspective that the case for Marriage can be made, I honestly can't see any view-point that satisfies its reason completely. Marriage is grossly anti-self which being Christian is. The nature of our world now pushes the 'me! me! me!' syndrome, the false notion that the world revolves around our individual selves, when infact we are all connected to each other. Pride, this is the main culprit, we delude ourselves into thinking  that there is a divide between being 'single' and married. Nobody is really single, every of our actions affect others. In the context of this topic, you are just unmarried. 

Marriage requires partners who are willing to submit to each other, a self-sacrificing kind of love. If this doesn’t exist, it doesn’t matter how many documents you have signed or how many pastors or wedding ceremonies you have held, you are living a sham, and you can only fool others not yourself. Marriage ought to be a picture of what Love really is, of the kind of Love God has for us. You can't be in a Marriage, where you truly Love and this is not reflected in the way you treat others, impossible. Marriage should be a learning ground, not a battlefield.

Marriage is a great thing, I don’t intend to have any wedding ceremony or register anything (except he wants to, we’ll negotiate.lol) but I would like to have a life-long commitment with someone. It is not the best thing in life, it is not a do or damned thing but it is a very good thing.

The Mrs Club pt.2

Man..check

Engagement ring..check

Traditional ceremony ring...check

Court wedding ring..check

White/Mosque wedding ring..check

Surname change..Check!

I am pleased to inform you, you are now a certified member of the Mrs Club!


Lately, I have been having issues with jewelry, I get irritated easily. I doubt I would be able to stand wearing a ring for so long! Talking about taking on a husband surname..I love my surname and I've always been of the opinion that I wouldn't be dropping it. We could form a compound name like Akintola-williams Jeje-philips..really nice looking to me. I always had the dream of marrying a yoruba guy, with a Taylor, Pedro, William, Phillips surname. lol, Igbo surnames were a big no-no. 
Now, I'm not so sure. Infact the idea of taking on someone else's surname is becoming increasingly weird to me, how did this even start. You become Mrs..somebody..I thought the idea of a marriage was cleaving to each other, not disappearing into the man where your only identity is MRS..no not for me.


So why would people do all it takes to become a part of this club? In the movie I watched yesterday, I agreed with this;


''This ritual called a wedding ceremony is really just the final scene of a fairy tale. They never say what happens after. That Cinderella drove the prince mad by obsessively cleaning the castle, cause she missed her day job'' 


Gbam. People just want to have that ceremony, what happens after? No one knows. But we become certified Mr/Mrs. It becomes more about 'status' than about love. The ones who don't realize this, end up hurting the children born under such conditions, and the cycle keeps going on. Maybe when people realize that this is not a do or damned affair, we could have some change.

The Best place to meet a 'Mate'

A friend swears today that I will marry a guy I met on the internet and he will be there for my wedding. 'Probably' I told him, I also had to laugh then and we went into a discussion of marriage, weddings and the love we share ^_^ lol.

It was only a while ago that I was thinking up what to post today, that it came to me that I had read an article somewhere which asked 'Where is the best place to find a mate' . There's something funny in my head when someone says 'mate' I instantly think 'Animal Kingdom'...But the responses were really funny. Some said if you are in the States, ''go to a harvard business school conference...there you will meet fine bobos and sisis with bright prospects. never fails!'' very funny. Many locations, like the church, work, weddings, library, even clubs were mentioned. I decided to google to see what I could find. 

According to

• Cosmo, http://shar.es/0Ryrt The Apple Store! hilarious 
• BNET, http://bit.ly/ciOIX7

(1) Work (2) Health Clubs (3) Church (4) Homes and parties of mutual friends (5) Weddings (6) Conferences and Conventions (7) Social and Community Organizations (8) Public Transportation - Bus Stops,Train Stations, Airports (9) Laundromats (10) Supermarkets

For me, I couldn't be bothered to go out normally but, 

Work - I have worked around attractive young men, but they were mostly 'taken' so, severely off my sights, I only had one married guy, who still claims love for me even now after 2yrs so interested in me. I don't like the idea to be honest.

Health Clubs - Maybe I need to google and find them ASAP! lol

Church - I always feel weird when I am approached in church on this matter, one reason I don't go to the same church more than twice in a row, Infact I stopped going to church altogether (jking) but yeah, it erks me, but i know its very possible.

Homes and Parties of friends - Hmm, but I wouldn't go to a party just like that, haven't been to a house party since I was a teenager (ok ok...still trying to remember)

Weddings - I don't attend weddings, my mum used to say, 'If you don't attend other people's weddings who will attend yours?' Well it works for me! 'cause I don't want every T, D and H at mine! I only attended two weddings in more than ten years, My sisters' and my friend, where I was on her train, Those are the only exceptions I make.

Conferences and Conventions - Just like the Harvard thing.lol, Hmm..I don't like large crowds, I could only go with a group of people and I would be extremely businesslike here, In fact you go fear my face, I doubt any guy would be sizing me up! lol

Social and Community Organizations - A bit more chill than the above, I actually wouldn't mind.

Public Transportation - I think of Nigeria, and I'm filled with laughter. Well I have locked eyes with a few guys, exchanged smiles even said a few words. This one could be quite romantic ^_^

Laundromats - I don't go there, I actually wanted to go once, but I postponed it like no tomorrow, I just couldn't be bothered meeeehn.

Supermarket - If He offers to pay for my monthly shopping, why not! if not, No can do! hehe. Honestly, I would dislike being approached here, It could be nice, who knows!

Anyhow, I do know I’ve met the best men (mate material.lol) so far in my life ONLINE! lol! I spend lots of my time on here so why not, and it wasn’t at any dating site..pls I can’t spend any money, I’m not that desperate.lol. And none of us were ‘looking’ But me I can’t date anyone I haven’t actually seen or interacted with physically. The ones I got to meet physically so far, have been really great guys (some) but not just for me  . Still hoping to meet one very awesome guy next month, fingers crossed.hehe

Therefore! The best place you can meet your ‘mate’ is where people are! and You can meet people ANYWHERE, online or offline. If they will be your mate consequently...depends on who they are, and not where you met them. It depends on your compatibility and level of commitment, not location.

The Mrs Club! Pt.1

So my friends are convinced I have Marriage very strongly on my mind. Well as a female, the thought of being a Mrs doesnt venture too far from your mind, and as you grow 'younger' some unseen and seen forces, tend to drive you towards achieving the 'goal' and you have to make up your mind, For me? or Not for me?.

That being said, They claim it's all I have been tweeting about recently 'This older guy, I wanna get married, I don't wanna get married, I wanna marry an Alhaji, I wanna marry at 35'  'Marry Marry, Marry' in the words of one of them. It sure made me laugh but it's not all true ofcourse. Well at this point why shouldn't it be though. I have four guys who would marry me tomorrow, if i just made a call now and said OK. And why not...I don't give myself enough credit. because I am a complete wife material (A whole 5.6 inches of the stuff) like one of my friends suggested.lol. I cook well enough, I love cleaning, I repair my own computer and electronic gadgets I bargain well, I don't spend money too much(I know how to save), I know what it means to Love, I have a Masters, I am smart, I have great genes e.t.c..So yeah why not??

Someone once said 'Any Idiot can get married' and that's the truth. I honestly believe it is not something everyone has to do, neither is it something that starts at the Church altar or the court room.

In the words of C.S Lewis 

'Love is a deep unity, maintained by the will and deliberately strengthened by habit; reinforced by (in Christian marriages) the grace which both partners ask, and receive, from God'

People have to be deliberate in their choice and its a matter of sticking with it (Will). It is definitely something you do with both eyes open.

In the words of Fela Kuti, 

'Marriage is a solidarity agreement entered into as individuals, in a quest for completeness. An intimate locus where social concerns and physical pleasure are fused.Not a divinely ordained and sealed package of Do's and Don'ts, it is about bonds forged around mutual feelings, a shared vision and the pooling together of resources to fulfill common objectives'

This is what people need to understand, I Once asked a question on twitter, If one can make marriage vows on the altar, why can't they make the same in their house? Does the number of people watching contribute to how far or how strong the commitment to each other is? 

Meanwhile, me, I am just chilling for the best man, worthy enough to make this life-long commitment to. If I find none, my life won't be less meaningful or unhappy. It is MY life and I would live it to the best I can.

Mind the Gap

If you live where I live and you use public transportation you will surely know this phrase 'Mind the Gap'. A reminder to stay away from danger. As I get older, Marriage and what not become more real to me and I would be lying if I said thoughts on it don't cross my mind every other day.

Just today a friend of mine told me he was extremely scared over marriage. And I told him it really wasn't a do or die affair. If you can't make the commitment forget about it (Mind the gap). Marriage causes divorce, especially when people don't even know what they are doing (they think they do ofcourse). The general belief of marriage is the commitment of both parties to each other. But it is one thing to believe and another to believe in...to trust or rely on that commitment, and do all that should be done to keep the promise. He believes his parents made a mistake and surely doesn't want to get caught up in the same.

Marriage for any other reason catapults the union into a myriad of problems as life has shown us and we decide to stay blind. It's funny that the bible doesn't say much (if any) about kids when it comes to marriage perhaps cause marriage is the cleaving of two souls alone. But my friend says he wants to get married because of kids. Selfishness, I immediately think because a broken home is not just where parents are separated or divorced. A broken home is where there is no commitment or love between parents and when kids sense that, it's hardly a good outcome. I told my friend to stop complaining and to get ready for wahala if that is his purpose. He is setting the kids up already for future 'brokenness'

For any relationship to function at its best there must be commitment, love,  kindness. . . .no gaps.

Hahahaaha

Eating cookies at 2:30am, cookies my uncle warned me about. Yeah i know i have to cut out sugar completely, but giving up an addiction is never an easy thing :P

Anyways..my week so far began with my episode with Salmonella and friends. It was a rough ride till Wednesday. Woke up yesterday feeling totally new. Sickness is a horrible thing, no matter how much attention you get.
Went on an impromptu visit with my uncle (one of the funniest men alive! iSwear! Allah!) hmm, had the nicest peppersoup and yam, it was noice! plus i just love Nigerians!! (warm, fuzzy feeling ^_^). They were talking in yoruba, then i got asked something which i mopped at, then my Uncle says, you better start learning yoruba, as if you dont know you will marry a yoruba man. hahaahaha.

Musings on Marriage, Life and things.

I attended a Child protection seminar today, and this along with a couple of questions, i had asked myself earlier began to come to take some shape. I had pondered, what exactly are people concerned about A man getting married to a 13yr old girl.

I can vividly remember when i was 13, i was almost S.abused, but i was 'aware' still i cannot transpose my experiences on any other person. But my main concerns with someone marrying a 13 yr would be if its forced, but that is not unique to a 13yr old, so what is unique about a 13yr olds situation?

A Child, some would say..a child at 13? we may try to pretend but we know there's no innocence at 13, not in our world of today. Maybe in a society where people are raised in caves, even then!

Emotional Maturity....What is this? how is it measured??

Physical Maturity....this varies from person to person, as a thirteen year old i was just a stick figure, akin to a praying mantis, but i looked over at the other grass, ooh i had mates who had the shape of 18yr olds, heck i couldn't believe they were in my age range! even now that i moved just an inch away from my stick figure likeness, I still wonder, what physical maturity means.

Dynamics of Marriage...lol this looks like a book Faith Oyedepo would write, that's if she doesn't already have one in peoples homes.

OOh well, I've exhausted my though span for now, but no one should misconstrue my approach. I really don'think 13 yr olds should be getting but that's just my opinion not a life fact. I also dont think people should be kissing, but hey its MHO.

More Wedding ish

So my friend tells me im on her bridal train,
woo oh, never done this before, i feel a sudden apprehension. .

i will vex and marry o, all you married peeps

Of Weddings, Horosope andThings

Had to get this in, before i take my internet break. :D

Actually a friend of mine asked me this question today

when is your own wedding na?

in 4years and one month i replied, well thats what facebook says and the strange thing is, its exactly the same month my sister got married and her particular age too . .

Hearing about weddings makes me have cold feet, my friend also told me about two people we know who met on Nairaland.com and are arranging their wedding now, and another friend of mine from school (classmate)told me her wedding date had been fixed for July.

I always did dream about one kain fantastic wedding like that but the closer it gets, the more the probability drops, its one of those things you cant afford to make a mistake about, the only way out of it is death, imagine the finality of it! and the horoscope says my best match is Capricorn, where do i get those from now!

i guess if or when you feel right about it, it'll happen my friend said,

Yeah i guess but i really dont want all that ceremony and paparazzi
id like something like this---->http://www.mymodernmet.com/profiles/blogs/a-simply-chic-wedding-14

Really, Nigerian weddings..r just, i don't want my face in peoples houses on bowls, cups, buckets theyd use to pack shit or something, calender,writing pads they'd tear up
participating in my sisters wedding really opened my eyes further, i wont do it like that at all, my family may rage. .

they will rage but in the end, it should really be what you want my friend says

exactly, besides they have five other people to settle them
four now..actually.lol

i just want it cute, lovely, small, classy, special, unique :D


I am Virgo,

NB:i dont do horoscope, astrology thingy thingy, its just fun sometimes, but i gotta admit, many things they describe fits.

The Next Big Thing

I know I have been away for quite a while, lots of things have happened. i said in an earlier post that this was goin to be my year of thanksgiving, from my sisters wedding to my graduation its been great and its just been God!

So many things happened along the way but right now the only memories I have are of those that matter. someone told me the big thing for me was my graduation and asked if i was ready for the next big thing.

I thought to my self the next big thing? what would that be, I want to go for Masters and I already work, i guess the next big thing would be marriage.

Marriage!!!!woooshh!! the thought makes me catch cold! not that its bad but its no small decision
apart from my problem of finding fault in almost every guy I know, I wonder where that prince charming is going to come from. I'm an optimistic person and I'm in no hurry, but as each day passes it signals the fact that one is advancing, well in age. I'm really not bothered right now but I will keep my hopes high while I wait for my Next Big Thing

Excerpts Form T.D Jakes...

The Lady
Without love, life is bland and success is empty
Quiet moments alone allow us to explore how deeply we are committed to our sense of healthy well being and fortitude.
We are connoisseurs of the fine architectural design of life, love and the echange of human energy.

There is nothing worse than giving the right thing to the wrong person
In order to truly give ur self you must appreciate the gifts you possess
You train others how to treat you by how you treat urself

It is the upward reach of the Spirit
And the inward reach of the soul
That enables the outward reach of the body.

Three P’s you should follow
Prayer; Pray for strength, things you have no control over
Praise; God for survival, grace
Pamper: Give urself a treat, eat out alone.

Her Lover
True love is like fine wine, growing sweeter as it ages

A good lover is the one that stays when all others have walked away

Younglove is like Springtime, Everything is fresh and new
By summer it blossoms
By Autumn, its comfortable
By winter, its an evergreen plant

What it takes
You must marry in the faith
Your partner should satisfy your body,mind and soul
Body; You must be physically attracted to him
Mind; you must be of like minds, able to talk, listen and enjoy each others company
Soul; you must share similar values, share the same map
Spirit; you must flow in the same spirit, the Spirit of God

True intimacy is the bonding of hearts that gives the feeling of acceptance and not the tangling of flesh

He should be ur Husband, Protector,Lover and Brother
Being lovers is being someones place of habitation, recreation and rrest
Being lovers means that a couple has directional focus that has centered them on the commitment to fulfil each others needs.

He must be able to trust u
.Your motives
.To be fulfilled in wanting only him
.Not to change
.Not to use his openness against him
.To establish trust, just listen
.Not to compete with him

What is Marriage
This is the collaboration of two hearts that join together to overcome the obstacles of life and create an atmosphere of shared pleasure and deeper love

Our words matter more than we can imagine
A woman who knows what to say is a mighty power ful voice
Men deeply appreciate a woman full of kind words

What is Love
Love is a dialogue, one that occurs between two people who do not know what the others response will be

Even if you have more degrees than a thermometer, more money than a bank, you r better looking than a Hawaiian sunset, if you lack the ability to be a partner in a storm, a soul mate in times of desolation, you are nothing at all!

Be Three times a Lady
The mother he needs
The friend he neva had
The lover he dreamed about