This Rape Thing

I was on twitter, the day started generally upbeat, then one of those I follow tweeted this link,  http://pervocracy.blogspot.com/2010/11/seven-points-on-rape-prevention-and.html and I usually open 99% of the links she tweets, So I did and started to read.

It just began to stir what had been in sitting in my soul. And I was really boiling. I CANNOT comprehend HOW a RAPE victim can be BLAMED!!!!!!!!!! was one of the first things I tweeted. And then, one of my followers starts to ask me if its true some girls enjoy rape??? maybe if rape was just about having sex.

The annoying thing is most RAPE happens inside a nice warm house, with someone the VICTIM KNOWS. People are so quick to dismiss the topic, I WONDER WHY?? Only the previous day had I watched on the telly, A man who murdered his wife because he didnt want her to know he raped two young girls. Another follower then tweeted, maybe those who commit rape are starved of sex. Why are people so quick to justify these actions?? How do you know he/she is being starved of sex?? Rape is not about whether the person was starved or not. 

The only persons who may have an excuse are those who have Mental problems or Those who have been cursed from their village. Some people like to turn their noses, because it seems like such a messy thing to think about. In the case I watched on TV, probably the woman thought, Rape doesnt affect me, I have no daughters and I live in a very protected little town with the nicest husband, but it was the Husband who RAPED, and didn't want her to know it, so he sent her to the great beyond with a hammer while she slept.

I didnt know my neighbors were Rapists, once upon a time in Victoria Island. One New Years day in a far away country, I KNEW. I blogged about the incident, because it really hurt me http://teanni.blogspot.com/2008/02/raped.html So-called Island Oil Big boys!!! They were NOT starved of any sex!! They had been raping others, but no one cared cause they were 'Sluts' anyways, plus they were given money. Then they raped a 16 year old girl on New Years day. A girl who came to visit at my house.

RAPE hardly occurs ALONE, theres always some other 'Crime' before and after it. It usually comes with a multitude of lies and some times psychological raping of the victims mind. It could also end up in death. How can anyone still see this as a trivial issue 'You are not the first to be raped' Disgusting!

One of my followers, a guy again said he didn't know, having sex with one's wife without her consent was rape, and I told him, well now, You know!. It takes a wise person to realise where he has been wrong and CHANGE. The burden falls on Human kind, people need to Wake up. We need a serious re-orientation, people shouldn't be taken for granted this way!

In the book, Perdido Street Station by China Mieville, RAPE was punishable by EXILE, (and even some body parts were ripped off). Because it is to STEAL/DESTROY someones chance/choice, just like Murder. But In our society rape gets what, 2 years in jail or none at all?

So someone else, a girl asks me if rape occurs outside the frequent, Male to Female bracket. YES, surely because its more about Power, Force and control than sex itself. There is a case in the first link where a/an homosexual guy goes on a date and his partner rapes him.

Rape occurs ANY which way...Thinking of it now, I know some girls back in Boarding school who were raped by some of our seniors *shudders*

The only situation where I can maybe blame a Victim of Rape is if (for example) The guy was wearing a 'I am a RAPIST' sign and she still followed him. It would be a pity because perhaps the girl thought she/he had a 'Sense of humour'

Just to further understand what Rape is about, here is a parallel.

There was a punishment I was given when I was in Nursery school, I was still called Nurietu then. I wonder why I never forgot, now I know. I was asked to drink water by my aunt. As simple as that. And I loved water then, LOVED it. Only that, I didnt want to drink Water at that time, and I was given about 10 bottles to drink. While I attempted to get past 1 bottle, NO, I wasn't thinking of how much I LOVED water, I was thinking of how much I HATED my aunt.

It is my heartfelt desire, that people stop turning away from the issues. People don't want to talk about it, if we don't, how will anything change?. Another guy on my timeline says, 'Its like any other crime, people will always get raped' Rape is not like any other crime. In many instances, It would not be seen as a crime, therein lies the issue. My people please, let's Wake UP.

P.S: I find that even the so-called intelligent/intellectual men are usually mute on this topic, some say it would just be stating the obvious. This is where you see Assumption becoming a Hydra. If It was so damn obvious and people used their common-sense why is this commonplace? Sometimes the so-called obvious needs to be CARVED in the sky.

The Really Massive Final Post of 2008

Why i blog, write...i was telling a friend yesterday, i just have to, i have tiny notes scribbled everywhere, in school, it was my lectures notes, in church, my sermon notes because im a very good drifter, i have scribbled on money, clothing, tissue paper, the wall but now i make a lot of notes on my fone. words are just some of my very good friends, but dont get me started on Drawing, lines and figures.....

So, 2008 is almost done eh, so much stuff that happened inbetween, a very eventful year I must say, marriages here and there, graduations, nysc palava,lol mehn , its been one heck of a ride, and ofcourse, sad events woven into the tapestry, life we cannot avoid,

The Rape issue, I actually met the girl while in lagos just before I was called to serve, she was not the picture I had in my mind, she was an ordinary looking dark girl, who was even thinner than I am, shorter too. She was talking with my cousin and until my cousin told me, she was the girl involved in the ordeal, I would have had a better chance of finding gold in my nose than guessing who she was. She was so bouncy, cheerful, she even helped my cousin make lunch. I could only hope that she carries on with life as normal as possible, even in the face of that traumatic experience and as a new year approaches, one cant even imagine what may be going through her mind. I wish her ALL the best, every single one my being can muster.

NYSC;
so i finally relocated to Abuja, and im billed to start work at the National Assembly next year, hmm, im just gonna see how this one goes..i know im the last person to be recommended for civil service/ government work!

I made a couple of new, cool friends and im still boxing my old, cold ones about the ears.lol, you guys are just tooo mush, and especially to my “im very fond of you” friend, who says Fond, these days??? even though we had a mini-argument on christmas/boxing day, we are still tight.

Ya know, as the year slowly drew to an end, i had this nostalgic wave come over me, i remembered a lot of how things were back then, highly influenced by the 80s, teened in the 90s, adultized in the 00s, its been a wonderful journey, they say time changes yesterday but they forget to see that Yesterday also changes the times.i ought to do a seperate post on my Nostalgia but i had to get in this post for the year.

all in all, i can say i am satisfied with this year, i achieved something major and im so happy about it.

Raped!

When I entered the building, I was sure the flat was on the last floor, should have called her aunty! I thought, anyways I hope they are home. These thoughts went through my mind as I made my way up the stairs. ‘’Aah! these stairs are long o!’’ I said with a sigh of relief as I got to the last floor. I looked at the two opposite doors, now I was not sure which exact flat it was! They both had burglary proof doors, one was padlocked the other was open. I really should have called! Let me just ring and ask. I rang the bell and in about ten seconds, someone was opening it.

” Good afternoon” I said with a faint smile “I’m looking for Ose she is staying with her aunty”.

‘’ok ok’’ the guy said with a little hesitation,” come in and sit down, she’s in the room let me go call her”.

I stepped into the flat and sat down I was just happy that i was going to see Ose again, maybe we will go to Shoprite. Just then, I heard men talking in hushed tones. The next thing, two guys come out, the one who opened the door and a darker guy who looked older. The younger entered into a room I assumed to be the kitchen, the older guy came to sit close to me, that’s when I started getting worried.

” Good afternoon sir” I muttered, quite unsure of what to say next, I have it the other guy suddenly said. My heart skipped a bit and I looked up to see him standing with a matchbox. I turned to look at the one sitting by me; he says calmly “if you shout we will set your hair on fire”,

At that moment, my head already erupts in an inferno; I could just see my future crumbling down. Not today! Not today!! my mind screamed, it was New years day! Not today!!! My mind kept screaming when the reality of what they were going to do dawned on me...

I was devastated, I am mourning the loss of me, which those two guys took in the space of 5mins which continued for about two hours and some minutes, I instantly became numb, I was bleeding, I just wished that I’d bleed to death....How can i go one living with these memories, this scar, NO NO NO!!!!!!!!!!!!

Ok, this is not my story, I just tried to put myself in the girl’s shoes, but I can’t. I am deeply saddened by the turn of things; this is something I thought about for hours, days and weeks.

Anyways, this is what we heard happened,

My older sister shares a flat with an older woman whom we call our aunty but we have no blood relation to her. The rest of us stay there anytime we are in Lagos and its in Victoria island. Well my aunt’s younger sister had come to stay with her for the hols, we will call her Ose, Ose had just finished secondary school and came down to Lagos from Warri, her friend also had done the same thing, they met up in church on the 30^th and they exchanged addresses.

Ose’s friend decided to pay a visit on New Year’s Day, I really don’t know if Ose and my aunty knew the girl was coming. The girl came to the block to visit around 3pm on that day and left at about 6pm.

Really I have tried playing this scene in my mind over and over, constructing and deconstructing, I don’t know how hot a girl she was, that the first thing that came to these guys mind was rape, how could any sane person see someone for the first time and in secs just think I must rape this girl! ooh! I can’t grasp it at all!

Well, the brother in the room was the older one and they both came out, the younger one went to the kitchen, got a match, they told the girl to keep shut and if she shouted they would burn her braids, they tied her mouth and hand.

The gory ordeal lasted for about 3hrs, the two guys, brothers, I can’t even believe they still managed to wear protection! No sense of human feelings, the girl was just seventeen! After the whole thing, they taunted her and chased her out of the house, she ran down the stairs and out of the compound into the street, she went to the mallam that sells stuff opposite our building, and tried narrating the whole thing to him, she had already started bleeding.

I don’t know how she managed to get to her sisters place, but her sister took her to the hospital, obtained a doctor’s report and they came back early in the morning on the second of January, with police men, looking for the guys. The guys went into hiding at the boys quarters and they even told the security men not to tell the police where they were, the older brother was apparently a big boy, he had a spanking ride and worked in an oil company, he went as far as to tell the security at his company to tell any policeman looking for him that there was no Chris working in that office.

It was amidst this commotion in our compound that my aunty even got to know what happened, she was devastated, Ose was out of her mind, the girl i just feel for her, such pain, such scar, on a day no one in this world forgets, January 1^st.

Throughout that day, the guys were nowhere to be found, their flat was heavily locked. These are guys who never lacked chicks in their house , I have seen with my two eyes quite a number trooping in and out of their flat, we always used to wonder who the guys were, if we saw them on the stair case, it was a very cold greeting we gave or none at all!

This was so unbelievable. Well my aunty called my sister all the way in SA and she was ready to jump from SA all the way back to Naija! I don’t know how to describe our emotions; My immediate older sister was in the flat, my aunty, her sister and two of our cousins, they were keeping watch trying to look out for the guys. We in SA were calling them back and forth trying to get updates.

The breakthrough came that same day, the 2^nd of Jan when one of my cousin’s was in the kitchen washing plates and looking out of the window for the guys, she saw the older guys car parked outside the compound at about 9pm, the gates were open, this was very strange. She peeped out of the door and saw the guys packing stuff from their house trying to sneak out, she told the rest of the household, they flew down the stairs and pounced on the guys, my sister was very vicious slapping the guys heads and all,

The guys had some friend there, those ones were shouting and saying there was no case, this and that! Apparently the guys had told their friends lies, when the police, the girl and her sister came that night, they all began to confess. The police arrested them! What a relief !

But the surprising thing now is that the girl’s parents have decided not to press charges, I can’t imagine this. I know jailing the guys won’t cause the events to be reversed, but i believe they should be taught a lesson because we learnt that they had raped other girls before right there in that house. However, nobody was concerned because the girls followed them to their house. I’m really pained about this, but I know forgiveness is better than resentment or hatred.

All I pray about in all this is for God to comfort her, so she does not end up hating guys, turning lesbian, promiscuous or even frigid. It is a very hard experience and I pray for strength for her. For the guys they have to go for deliverance!

Why is rape such an understated crime? It’s extremely horrible, nerve shattering and could lead to death! Why is this so downplayed in Nigeria! No one wants to even talk about it.

When I read some peoples blogs and stories, my heart breaks, I cant imagine people have gone these sort of things in huge numbers, My own personal experience on this is zilch, I only thank God for His grace, He has a plan for our life that’s what I firmly believe

My heart goes out to anyone that has experienced such abuse. I really can’t understand how it must have felt. I do know one thing that if you would just try to open your heart and allow Gods love fill you, it may seem like He after all allowed it happen, but you would be surprised at the plans He has for you. Let Gods peace flood your life, there’s hope for tomorrow your alive! Let God lift you above it all. There is nothing that can capture or express how much love I have for you guys!

I know one thing for Sure! Jesus loves you!