Morning Fresh

I think that people are so cute when they just wake up in the morning. Maybe because they appear helpless, I don't know but it sure goes downhill from there.

Home

There is so much clogging my brain at the moment. Focus. Focus. I thought to myself. I was sat at the airport lounge trying to make my way back home. Home...Home, they called it. I wasn't sure. It was the only one I knew. My thoughts began to paint the picture. Noise. It was the noise I wanted to get away the most from. Its my fault i reflected, how did I allow him talk me into that number. We had some 'accidents'. Dirt. I never agree I have OCD, I just believe Humans arent meant to live in filth, plus I have to pick up after every single one of them, He doesn't help much. Pain. someone was always up to something, many days spent at the hospital I would gladly have back. Smell. urgh.

I sighed. Checked my watch, 1hr to board. Think of something else. I screamed within me. My name. they scream, I never feel prouder. Smiles. I could say without a doubt they are genuinely happy to see me. Hugs. I could be in those arms forever. My heart. bursts into songs at the sight of them and gives way to tears of joy. Pleasure. Undescribable.

Home. It's all I've got and I love it.

I Want to Know What Love Is pt. 1

Heavy night, it was a heavy night
Feels like we've just, come back from the dead
Heavy night, it was a heavy night

I cannot remember what I said to anyone

If we get up now, we can catch the afternoon

Watch the under15's playing football in the park

Let’s sit in St Leonard's on this alcoholic day

We're doing the best, with what we've got

I love you in the morning

When you're still hung over

I love you in the morning

When you're still strung out

I work hard all week and so do you

We deserve to let off some steam

Less orthodox creeping,

We need to rage through all of this life

There might be ones who are smarter than you

That have the right answers that wear better shoes

Forget about those melting ice caps

We're doing the best, with what we've got

I love you in the morning

When you're still hung over

I love you in the morning

When you're still strung out

When I'm with you, I am calm

A pearl in your oyster

Head on my chest a silent smile

A private kind of happiness

You see giant proclamations

Are all very well

But our love is louder than words

Sunday - Bloc Party

As usual as I leave the station, I check to see if the bus marked 140 is close by, then I start to walk west anyway. The invisible harshly caresses my face and I think 'Not this time' and then turn to check again. My eyesight wouldn't allow me see so far, so I move east a bit and there was bus 140 getting bigger.  5mins late would have found me once again, walking along the field, my ears safely tucked under the warmer but sensitive enough to transmit music from the earphones connected to my 'lackberry' across my whole being. Usually, I'd be dancing along as I struggled to walk, with onlookers shaking their collective head in disbelief.  Off the bus, I walk east then north along the asphalt path, alone. Sunday goes through my whole and words cannot express how much I love the song.

When I Fall

.....I know where I'll be Landing.

It's Limbo!

So, I'm at the point where I am still officially a student but technically not. I am looking for proper jobs, which in turn will bring in proper cash. The only problem is that 9 to 5's hold nothing for me, I dread it. I am applying for jobs and treating myself to a holiday. While there's an offer, it's not yet in the bag so all I do at home now, is clean and cook where necessary. I decided to volunteer on Wednesdays at the church i recently started going to, so as to get out of the house once in a while. It's been nice so far meeting people from different nationalities, and lifestyles. I have also tried to get on with my projects but they haven't been easy. Everyday I try to build myself in one aspect or the other.

I usually don't have 'relationship' issues, but eeeh, the last few weeks have been 'icky'. My sister going back 'Home', opened another chapter in another book of my life, I met someone, with whom things aren't as they seem.I miss her though, Its a pity she didn't get to see as much as I'd have liked, but she'd be back soon.

Also, I got two new prescription frames, One a designer and the second Vintage! all thanks to my aunt *muah*.i feel so fly, ha!lol

Travelled up north, went for a wedding on Saturday, It was really nice, lovely couple, lovely location, great LIVE music, food that got better and better and the best chocolate cake I've ever eaten! of-course over a glass of champagne..tres classy. My kind of wedding!

Got to attend a concert by 'Midnight Crew' I wonder where they got their name from, but it sounds like something Aro Meta would call themselves. It's all well and good, the music was great, more so than I imagined.

I have learnt lots over the weeks, about Love, Life, Cooking, Food, Sleep, Prayer, Life's Troubles, The Essential things, Kindness, God e.t.c

It's a brand new week today, and hopefully I will continue in my bid, to develop things out of nothing, relax my mind over lots of issues. Call everyone that needs to be called (I tend to neglect people in this regard way too much, if you aren't online, there's a huge chance of not being in communication these days..bad, I know). See friends, See a movie, basically enjoy life as it comes, even though I am in Limbo! it could have been Hell you know :D

What I'd Say to My 16-Year-Old Self

Little girl in a park near Union Station, Washington, D.C. (LOC)

I would tell her 'read more, follow your heart and the things YOU what to do. Don't allow anyone use their 'money' or influence as an edge over you'

Study Well!

Eat Well!

Use Sunscreen.



There's much more I could say, but yeah this lot would go a long way :)

That One Friend

Friendship has always been a touchy subject with me, but I've always wanted that one friend.

So yeah, right after primary school where everything was a blur, guys were girls, girls were guys, and it was pretty much safe. everyone was in everyone's clique (technically not, but..) I began to feel the need for that 'one' friend when I got into secondary school and everyone found their 'square-root'. That one friend I could always count on, to be by my side. That one friend who, didn't want to be with anyone else as much. That one friend, I could swap angst-filled stories with.lol. That one friend, you know..

I also began to understand myself better, I surely didn't want to be in any 'clique' as was the order of the day and I was generally ok with being by myself. But it was difficult doing that as a 'boarder'

I finally thought I had found the 'one'. We were close and hung together alot. when she wasn't around, don't get me wrong, i had some other friends, who I gisted and hung with, but we werent that close and like I said, I didn't fancy a posey. Anyways as we neared the end of school, I realised she was just as shallow as the rest of them *sigh* what a farce!

University, I was like 'ok breath of fresh air, maybe I would meet this person' Hmm..though I met her but my joy was short-lived. She left the school very early and I just couldn't bother at all. I didn't want someone who was everyone's friend, I didn't want someone who had one or more appendages. I wanted a lone figure, someone as crazy as I was. weird and all that jazz. Didn't exist

I'm not looking for that 'one' friend anymore cause i realise while she may exist for some, she necessarily may not exist in my path. It would be great if i meet her someday, but i'm generally done looking.
Cause I think I may have found her, but she is far away....

The Magicians

A bird from no where, flowers from behind your ears, rabbits in a hat, things that werent there, now appear.
Sleight of hand you say, maybe, maybe not. But the Magician gets things to come.
Do you know any? I know some.
They thrive on the principle, if they want something it comes to them, who am I to fault this?
as long as I am not the 'thing' they want.
when I become the 'object' they lose their magic. I will not come.

If you want something, go, do and try to get it, forget magic.

Beyond Google maps.

Do you sometimes feel like jumping out of yourself
and viewing the world like an omnipresent would?

I do.

Maybes...

I love the way the Geordies make a plural of may be.

But there's a girl I wish was my friend,
I could marry her, but the world would say we are lesbians.

Nneka.

Maybes.

Hypnotized by Colour

I was riding on the bus today, and had this crazy feeling.
I had been looking at this girl, from when she boarded the bus
I had thought,
I love her jacket, her skirt..ooh my word, she's my kind of person!
But then she had these colours on.
I had thought,
Lovely colour, I wish I had a scarf and tights in that colour
Then I started to fall.
I was being hypnotized,
I never thought,
Colours would have this effect on me
This colour could have this effect on me
I thought,
Am I dreaming?, figments?
I smiled,
I really do love this and whatever happens doesn't matter.

What mystery!, this colour, Emerald.

Love Potion

 

My friend says he is sure I must feel lonely. I like my friend, he got married last year, and believes we all should follow suit. But do some people ever stop to think for one second that not all must apply to everyone. I am still discovering who I am, as we all are. And one thing I have uncovered so far is, boy o boy, i don't like to waste my time with folk whom I cannot respect their minds. It kills me. People who haven't for one second, questioned anything. I don't understand how anyone could live like that.

Anyway, So he says I must need someone after a long day at school, to come back to and..well you get the picture. To be honest, at this point in time, I'd rather come back to a bucket of ice-cream and a cool bed, than anything else. I honestly don't think I'm lonely, but i do feel it would be really nice to have someone, maybe i am... But its not a matter of life or death. and i am not willing to compromise. I absolutely love Simon Cowell! #Random. lol

I was invited to a 'thing' at a club last night but in my usual fashion, weighed my options and opted out. I love my space, I love who I am uncovering. some think that's not enough, some reckon I'm untrue to myself..oh well. So i figured possibly the only way out of this would be to drink this potion, and yeh probably fall in love with the first human i see. If i see my local Pakistani Hip Hop Hooray, my own don finish o!

In the pockets

''I'm on the pursuit of happiness and I know everything that shine ain't always gonna be gold

I'll be fine once I get it, I'll be good''

I like this song, i really do, but nahh, i dont believe Happiness should be pursued, i mean who has actually managed to catch it. If you think you'll be fine when you get 'it' pursue on!

Someone asked me quite recently 'What are you looking for', 'Nothing' i replied. The person thought that was a very strange answer but then again considered the originator.lol. By now it's established that i don't believe in a pursuit of happiness.

Someone else argued, 'So does this mean we should live life, without goals or ambitions?' i said no, then why would we be living? We tend to forget that we don't just live for ourselves but everyone we will affect in some form. But when you transpose happiness on the goal or ambition exclusively, then you have a problem there. It is about the process, someone else would say and i'm inclined to agree to that.

Happiness is in the pockets, the little things we overlook. I know one of the happiest places to be for me, is under the shower..alone. I'm a water girl ;) (no mamiwater o) I'm not trying to pursue happiness, yes i know certain things make me happy, but i embrace what is obtainable at the moment. I don't think anyone should cheat themselves out of the life and the things they have NOW, instead of trying to pursue a mirage.

In the pockets, my dear people, in the pockets.

Quiet and Whistles

........AAaaAhaaAaaah ahhh, It's all quiet and i'm completely obsessed with whistles. No, not those you can buy at the store, those that come with humans, specially talented people who have the whistle register. Voice like the Angels..

I have nothing more to say though, I wish i was someonelse for you, i don't want to see someone like you hurt, but I can't whistle.

some of us just can't.

Easy..

I hate the way i feel, so much.
Everything went wrong yesterday except breathing in and out..like Humans do

The truth about Maga

http://www.youtube.com/watch?v=EGCnl6O6bnE

I am disturbed by this song 'Maga no need pay' before i even listen to it, the title puts me off. And no, i'm not dissing anyone who sang in it, or those who produced. Yes the Video is equally disturbing..

But the Truth about it, from the title tells me Maga no need pay...................yet, cos i have secured maybe..a fat contract. More pro 'don't put all your eggs in one basket' than anti-419.

Singing about things like this, how does it add to the solution? Yes, i am still trying to understand how it helps. Some people say the artistes were paid, some say not. Even if there was no monetary exchange, it sure promotes a couple of interests.

I just hope this 'sing-a-song-problem-would-go' things would end. One, i solves nothing, Two, it's not very good music one can just listen to = Annoying.

As long as the situation in Nigeria gets no better, its sad that Maga will still have to part with valuables. Maga go still need pay.

Fiddling on the roof.

What is wrong in creating our own paths. What is tradition? I don't believe we should be tied down to what has been, especially if it has no relevance in today's world, why? because that's how it has been. This is one of the instances where i want to believe Susan Blackmore's meme theory. Memes passed down to us from generaion to generation. If there is anything that gives the Human an edge over other animals, its imitation. The attempt to break out of this mold, is usually met with ridicule.

I had a little discussion wit one of my housemates and she did confirm that yeah, our life is fraught with imitation. So, so-called traditions are just imitations of things done before. Nothing wrong in having a chill pill and moving on to something different.


But i do ask myself, where are we headed as a race, the Human Race. Apart from the biblical 'End of the world' theory, where are we going to? On one hand we claim to love our traditions, on the other we alienae people who want to start traditions, yes., traditions started somewhere!

Through all this, the only thing that gives me some breath of fresh air is the knowledge that we were all born with our own brains, Whatever we eventually do is up to us. So, the decision to either build, destroy or stay where you are lies in your hands. If i decide to build, please don't judge me. i will come down from the roof and have some dessert now, thank you.

The Heavy Weight

I couldn’t think of any other way to do it. It’s been spinning around my head for weeks, driving me crazy.
The most important decisions always cripple me in the making. I felt like I couldn’t move. It was only the unbearable weight of the decision that forced me to make it in the end. It’s the only way I could start moving again.

I couldn’t stand it. I was going to sleep at night thinking about it, lying
there in the morning thinking about it, trying to find things to distract me and snatch back a few moments from it during the day, and always worrying I was wearing my heart on my sleeve too much and you would start to wonder what was going on.

I probably could have done it in a better way when it came to it. Probably sooner would have been good for both of us.

I don’t think I’ll know if I’ve made the right decision for a long time, especially with something this big.
I still don’t know if I’m doing the right thing. But I feel better. Lighter.

30th

I really do wish there was a device that would just take your thoughts and translate them directly to words, i cant seem to be able to do that on my own. .

Hmm, i also wonder why people think im so complex or "deep"

BLArgh!

Beneath the Surface

I read in my devotional today that
We should stop judging by appearances
By the way things look
Discriminating based on whatsoever criteria is
Absolutely wrong
Look beneath the surface.



You keep judging me
By the coverings you see
You can’t understand
They aren’t as real
As what is beneath the skin
You have forgotten about the person within
You can’t comprehend
The beauty underneath


You keep abusing me
Afraid of what i may be
You can’t perceive the real thing
Carried away by fear
You can’t stand me near
Cause you can’t recognise
The treasures inside

Im truly within
The splendour, oh can’t you see
The treasures that are all in me
Put in, by the Almighty!