With Gratitude, Painful Tears

                                          Picture: http://www.larryponchobrown.com

I used to be very proud of the fact that I didn't cry often, despite being flogged or insulted. I thought I had it pretty set, there were only things when i'd cry that I never planned. Recently as God has been breaking me down, I have been shedding tears for 'no reason' and very often, daily. I also realized that I could tell the difference between my fake tears and real tears, funny eh. Of course everyone really knows when they are shedding crocodile tears or not. No. When you peel onions you will cry automatically though (the red onions more so than the white, put a spoon in your mouth to stop it ). 

When I cry genuinely, my eyes HURT, I don't know why, but since I have no control over these tears, It happens. I tried to google, to find if it was some condition, I can't even explain how it hurts, but it makes me never want to shed a tear again. Still, I am grateful for the ability to cry, I'm thankful that I am being broken down in many ways than I could imagine. I'm learning loads and I wouldn't have it any other way. If it has to hurt, so be it.

''I know that I've been,

Given more than beyond measure,

I come alive when,

I see beyond my fears

I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure,

I come alive when

I've broken down and given you control''

- Jeremy Camp ~ Beyond Measure

Home

There is so much clogging my brain at the moment. Focus. Focus. I thought to myself. I was sat at the airport lounge trying to make my way back home. Home...Home, they called it. I wasn't sure. It was the only one I knew. My thoughts began to paint the picture. Noise. It was the noise I wanted to get away the most from. Its my fault i reflected, how did I allow him talk me into that number. We had some 'accidents'. Dirt. I never agree I have OCD, I just believe Humans arent meant to live in filth, plus I have to pick up after every single one of them, He doesn't help much. Pain. someone was always up to something, many days spent at the hospital I would gladly have back. Smell. urgh.

I sighed. Checked my watch, 1hr to board. Think of something else. I screamed within me. My name. they scream, I never feel prouder. Smiles. I could say without a doubt they are genuinely happy to see me. Hugs. I could be in those arms forever. My heart. bursts into songs at the sight of them and gives way to tears of joy. Pleasure. Undescribable.

Home. It's all I've got and I love it.

My Look

This look is soo Me, I just had to post it. Plus I do have a look like this. I love everything from the blouse to the skirt and the satchel. I am a conservative gal so this works plenty for me.

LOL.

This is my most frequent expression..I love this smiley

HA HA HA HA HA!!

How to Expose Fake Prophets

The other day, A TV programme showed how fake pastors extract monies from people and conduct fake healing sessions, its a sad thing but its not out of this world. I think nothing new was exposed on the programme and it was just a waste of time, energy and effort, it was quite boring. The bible has exact predictions on what these people are, Vicious Wolves!  it calls them. If only those who claim to be Christians would read the bible more or actually desire a stronger relationship with God would we be able to discern EASILY this fakeness. ''Only by being thoroughly familiar with the truth will we be able to recognize a counterfeit.''

• 2 Peter 2 talks specifically about these false preachers.
• 2 Corinthians 11
• Colossians 2 Warns about thinking to Christ! not Man and Man's rules
• Hebrews 13
• 2 Timothy 4:1 - 4
• Matthew 7 : 15 - 23

I particularly like this article, because we have a responsibility to protect ourselves and others from the tactics of these wicked people

So, how do we protect ourselves?

• Don't Believe Anyone Who Ignores, Or Disagrees With, God's Word

About 30 years ago, I recall hearing a preacher bellowing, "Don't believe me, believe your Bible." The honest logic of that man's statement cannot be refuted or argued with. Humans can be, or go, wrong. God's Word will never fail you, because God will never fail you.
"Heaven and earth will pass away, but My words will not pass away." (Luke 21:33)

• Prove All Things

Never just take someone's word as "gospel," regardless of how educated or exalted they may be, or appear to be. True Christian servants ("minister" means servant, "apostle" means messenger, "evangelist" means announcer) are not offended if you check to see if what they say is correct, or question them if you find something that you think is wrong. In fact, they expect you to do so:
"Beloved, do not believe every spirit, but test the spirits to see whether they are of God; for many false prophets have gone out into the world." (1 John 4:1 RSV)
"test everything; hold fast what is good." (1 Thessalonians 5:21 RSV)

• Know Your Bible

Familiarity with the Scriptures, all of the Scriptures, is a vital defense. Amazing as it may seem, many Christian-professing people actually have not read all of The Bible at least one time. Once each year should be the minimum for everyone.
Daily Bible Study has an easy and enjoyable daily Bible reading plan, requiring only a few minutes each day, that covers the entire Bible in 1 year. See 1 Year Reading Plan

• Follow Christ, Obey God

God's true servants want you to obey God, not them. Follow them only if they follow Christ.
"For to this you have been called, because Christ also suffered for you, leaving you an example, that you should follow in His steps." (1 Peter 2:21 RSV)
"But I want you to understand that the head of every man is Christ ... and the head of Christ is God." (1 Corinthians 11:3 RSV)

• Beware Of "Miracles"

While in the end time God's true prophets will perform great miracles (see The Two Witnesses and Down Without A Fight?), there will also be great Satan-empowered "miracles" which will deceive many:
"It works great signs, even making fire come down from heaven to earth in the sight of men; and by the signs which it is allowed to work in the presence of the beast, it deceives those who dwell on earth, bidding them make an image for the beast which was wounded by the sword and yet lived" (Revelation 13:13-14 RSV)

• "Prophet" Doesn't Mean "Profit"

Money is of course necessary to pay for living and operating expenses, but acquiring great personal wealth from one's service to God cannot be justified. There are many honest and righteous ways of earning a lot of money. Christianity is not one of them.
In the Old Testament, Abraham was considered righteous by God (Galatians 3:6), and at the same time he became very wealthy (Genesis 13:2). But his personal wealth came from business activity. It wasn't given to Abraham as a way of worshipping God.
Later, the apostle Paul, a man who actually wrote a large part of the New Testament, although having to accept occasion help because of his difficult circumstances, worked whenever he could, as a tent maker, at the same time of his ministry (Acts 18:3).
According to Paul, "For we are not, like so many, peddlers of God's word; but as men of sincerity, as commissioned by God, in the sight of God we speak in Christ." (2 Corinthians 2:17 RSV)
God's true servants are not interested in taking from you. They want to give to you, not worldly money that is quickly spent, but true wealth, the knowledge and understanding that will enable you to obtain the eternal spiritual riches that will last forever. God's true servants don't want your money. They want you to obey God.

Come Dine With Me

The past few months have seen me spend a lot of time in the Kitchen, omg! I can't believe it you know..that I'm actually beginning to like cooking, and just the domestic way of life. Yesterday I even baked scones! Having people enjoy what I cook and appreciate it really spurs me on. Personally, ofcourse there's been a change inside deeper than just what people see. I still find it difficult to just up and go cook something for myself, but when other people's lives are at stake, I take it up with immediate effect! I used to yearn for the fast-paced life of an exec. But as I've begun to learn more about healthy feeding and live in general, it makes me want to become a housewife! I swear, me? yes me!. Sometimes I just picture myself in a farm house, homeschooling my children, cooking in a big kitchen, feeding my family and just living a content life (definitely not in the eyes of the world) filled with warmth and love.

It's no surprise that I also began to love the TV programme, Come Dine With Me. Cooking shows always used to bore me. But this one, is just plain brilliant. I spend hours watching re-runs, but its interesting to see how much many people can still cook and the pleasure many derive in putting out a good meal and for strangers too, its always heart warming when at the end of the programme the contestants still want to keep in touch..see what food can do! lol.

Jesus also calls us to Come dine with Him. He has filled the cup at the table with fresh wine, we can now partake in it as brothers and sisters. It's a simple call, Come to the table or stay were ever you are. We have the ability to respond as we see fit. But if I can go to dinner with abandon to enjoy foods which I enjoy and which replenish me temporarily, why not go to the dinner where I will enjoy foods which give life forever? Its a no brainer I've made my choice!

So, as you come dine with me, I hope you would also dine with Jesus at the table...........Enjoy!!!!

A Faithful Friend

My Nokia N95. 3years and going stronger. MUAH!

A Night Out with Tété

So I won a ticket to go see this musician Tete at Monto Water Rats. Normally I'm very apprehensive about meeting girls for the first time. I don't know what to say to girls. I tell you I can count the number of female friends I have on one finger..iKid..ok on one hand. Anyways, I said, I'll just go and try to have a good time.

First of all, my line had severe delays!!!! oh no! A 35mins journey was going to turn to 1hr 30mins..plus we were roasting underground. It wasn't funny at all. Thankfully I made it soon enough!

We listened to one of the opening acts, then went to get some food because I was starving..we got on pretty well, even if I say so myself..hehe. I realized that at Nandos the possibility of being sat next to a black person who is Nigerian is very high! After some chat and food, we headed back to Monto Water Rats.

About 10pm, the main reason for the night came up to perform with people chanting Tete! Tete!. I didn't know it was going to be this late, because the show started at 7pm. Anyways, we listened to a number of songs and wow wow wow, his skill on the guitar is amazing! the songs..in french, but just so soothing and great on the ears. I have to admit, I've been having a growing affection for gap-toothed people. The French accent..mixed with english is so *censored* LOL! 

It was a good night out..sadly had to leave early if I wanted to get home before 12am. I said my goodbyes, and got back on the line which thankfully was running smoothly!

If you want to learn more about Tété and listen to his music check out --> Tété and Official Website http://www.tete.tv/

An Elephant Flying??

This is how I feel about the current Nigerian elections, there are things that are just impossible, and hey I am not surprised.

More importantly I got to watch Dumbo again!! oh my days! we had the tape when I was much younger so this was a frequent watch for a long while. I love love it. I still shed tears watching it again. But I realised so much now that I am older. I think as a kid one was more concerned about the excitement, the colours, the fun..I mean I am still concerned about that, but more than anything truths from the movie began to jump out at me. One thing I also noticed was how short it was! as a kid, it never seemed so! lol. But It was great re-living those moments in my life that I wouldn't change. If I do have kids, I hope I'd be able to get them to watch it ^_^

I love this song, it makes me chuckle with delight!

People who smile or laugh with eyes closed

I really love them! Its just so cute and genuine........warms my heart, bless if you do! ^_^

France, Bans and Scarves

So a friend of mine tweeted on a topic, I replied. It was on the French ban on veils which only show the eyes or don't even show the face at all. He said it was unfair and just plain intolerant. Fair enough I thought, I know what side many people will be arguing on. But being the person I am, I tried to get people to look at it from another angle. I honestly haven't read so much on the topic, but from the little I know, I can make my opinion reasonably.

1. France is a secular country

2. They would prefer to keep it that way

3. The ban wasn't targeted at Muslim women who wear veils that make up only 0.1% of the M.W pop.

4. France banned any form of religious display in 'public places'

I can't see why people have to over-react to be honest. If indeed only 0.1% of women wear this veil, it shows how easy the practice can be discarded or adjusted. It also makes us understand that being a Muslim isn't tied to those veils, if many more can go without it. It shows that it is a cultural not religious thing and for goodness sakes, they are in France. The country is trying to do the best for its citizens. The rate of discrimination based on religious affiliation is high enough, and the French government would rather not have people being judged by such a thing. 'Freedom of Expression is suppressed', some argue well smoking is banned in public places in many places, why isn't this challenged?  ok so Why am I using 'Smoking' 

1. It's the first thing that popped into my mind

2. It is also banned in public places in some countries

3. It is wonderful for people who smoke but unpleasant to those who do not

4. The ban in public places doesn't equal a ban in smoking at all.

I mean, why do we have to be so hard headed and stubborn sometimes. I'm not surprised the world is the way it is because we take offense so easily instead of stopping to think objectively. Everything is about us personally, our rights, our freedom, people being intolerant to us without seeing how we are also intolerant and the fact that we are no 'us' without others. I am positive this ban is not life-threatening to anyone, so therefore, let's see how it goes, I really hope the best decision is reached.

My Bed Habit

I am a tidy sleeper that's why I can have my laptop constantly on my bed, but even that has its disadvantages. One of the perils of engaging in this sort of bed habit is sore arms. I usually sleep on my side, and I wake up on that same side. This particular night, I was dreaming as usual but felt an excruciating pain on my right arm, it was horrible. So I tried to turn, but it felt heavy and just kept throbbing. I was in so much pain and I could hardly sleep again. I was convinced that when I finally wake up, I would have to amputate the arm. 

When I did get off my bed in the morning, the first thing I reached for was aboniki. My arm was hung heavily by my side through the day, constantly massaging and contorting my face. That night it was hard to sleep, since then (Last Saturday) I've had difficulty sleeping because of positioning, I just don't know what to do at the moment. I'm not sleeping too well, I feel it when I wake up *sigh* I'm going to try something this night..hopefully it should work.

Real Nigerian Music

My heart has always yearned for genuine things, and I have this uncanny ability for spotting them. I'm drawn to truth in heart and in sounds. Any kind of music I take seriously, I am sure of truth in it. In Nigeria, we only have a few of such souls, and I normally won't bother to listen to the lot of Nigerian musicians out there today, but a number of them stand out. 

Asa, I remember the first time I had a glimpse of her, with her glasses and short locs on an NTA programme, I instantly liked her. I knew it was the locs at first, but I think her whole persona combined with the guitar holding and what she sang drew me to her.

Her first album, Loved Loved Loved it. It was still taking me lots of time to get into her second album but something changed things for me. A friend of mine told me casually, 'Ah Asa is going to be singing at the Barbican' oh ok...'I have a spare ticket if you want to come' he finished. Yay, I thought 'Let's go there' hehe. 

It was a great night, not only did my respect for Asa move up a number of notches, my appreciation of her second album also grew. She is the Truth, I hope she never loses it. An icing on the cake of the night was waiting to listen to Tiken Jah Fakoly

I was actually in this Video, dancing my ass off.lol. enjoy!

One Quarter Gone.

Lots of things have happened, from the Euphoria of the New year in January and the submission of my application for **** to the Birthday/Wedding Anniversary of my Parents/Uncle n' Aunt and the positive return of my application in February. March brought along its own share of events. I can only look back and say its been an eventful quarter. I got to go to places I've never been, met new people and a bit of fun here and there. I am not where I projected myself to be going into the new quarter, but I'm glad about the things I've done, and I am still confident in the plan.

Mrs Club pt3 : Is Marriage still Necessary?

Wheew, I'm definitely not getting younger! this year I'm moving into a new age bracket, no pressure yet but its getting realistic. Marriage is a topic which never ends, and looking at the stats, the rate of divorce is very high, some would even say Marriage is the number one cause of divorce..cracks me up. Still, it's not an issue to be ignored, but what does it mean to us, what does it mean to society.

Is it still necessary? 

I've never thought going to a registry, a church or whatever is necessary, but the heart of marriage, which is a life-long commitment is Very Necessary. If we understand this and begin to live in such a capacity, I can only see a better world than what we currently have to shoulder.

I am a Christian and it is only from a Christian perspective that the case for Marriage can be made, I honestly can't see any view-point that satisfies its reason completely. Marriage is grossly anti-self which being Christian is. The nature of our world now pushes the 'me! me! me!' syndrome, the false notion that the world revolves around our individual selves, when infact we are all connected to each other. Pride, this is the main culprit, we delude ourselves into thinking  that there is a divide between being 'single' and married. Nobody is really single, every of our actions affect others. In the context of this topic, you are just unmarried. 

Marriage requires partners who are willing to submit to each other, a self-sacrificing kind of love. If this doesn’t exist, it doesn’t matter how many documents you have signed or how many pastors or wedding ceremonies you have held, you are living a sham, and you can only fool others not yourself. Marriage ought to be a picture of what Love really is, of the kind of Love God has for us. You can't be in a Marriage, where you truly Love and this is not reflected in the way you treat others, impossible. Marriage should be a learning ground, not a battlefield.

Marriage is a great thing, I don’t intend to have any wedding ceremony or register anything (except he wants to, we’ll negotiate.lol) but I would like to have a life-long commitment with someone. It is not the best thing in life, it is not a do or damned thing but it is a very good thing.

I am still Clay

A friend lost her mum today, just like that. She had a headache the night before, Sunday morning, no more. Time ceased to exist for her. It is a sad day, it hurts, watching someone suffer, hurts as much. Sometimes we just forget how fickle life is, here today, gone tomorrow. We forget that the important things in this life are given to us FREE. You didn't do anything to gain the breath you breath, you were born with blood moving all over your body. you never paid for that. 

We look at each other, and take ourselves for granted. O Human beings, why are we so blind, so corrupted by our foolish pride. We ought to look at eachother with reverence, hold each other like precious china, 'Handle with Care' 'Fragile'. Paul in his letter to the Christians at Philippi said, ' Work out your salvation with Fear and Trembling' Treat people with respect, with reverence, put your foolish pride aside, be responsible for others, we should be afraid to harm others.

Creation groans, we groan, I groan, there's so much pain in the world. Many times I forget this simple, little part I ought to play and I think of things on a grand-scale. A simple 'thank you' 'Sorry' 'Can I get a glass of water for you' are some of the things that matter the most.

All in all, I really do reflect on the way I've lived, I hold life more preciously than I've ever done in my entire life. With everything I want to achieve or that I see people achieve, events like this still remind me of certain truths. it doesn't matter what heights you reach and how low you go, we are all equal, we are all on the same level, We are all clay.

Back to the Future

I doubt I will ever understand the turning of clocks forward and backward, but hey life goes on! I made sure I stayed awake for the turn this time, I watched my computer's clock change from 12:59am to 2:00am. This actually made me laugh. We keep shouting no time, there's time, some time, time! time! time! When time is just a human construct that tries to measure the immeasurable. Someone said ''To realize the unimportance of time is the gate to wisdom.'' I believe it now.

''Time is always relative.... For the terminally ill, six months are a lifetime, and not a very long one. To a three-year-old waiting for Christmas, it's an eternity so distant it's not even worth thinking about''

JOHN SAUL, Midnight Voices

Nigerians and Grammar

Sometimes I wonder why Nigerians strive for the best in English grammar more so than even the English. People are always correcting you on what comma you didn't type or how you put a present past participle instead of a continuous present. We Love Grammar. 

I also realized that Nigerians tend to speak the best words when they are angry.  Of all the times!! 'What an impertinent arrogant fellow!, 'How preposterous! the audacity!' its really amazing.

Our politicians are not left out. every single time on the news headlines, when someone is quoted its never far from, ''Adeoti will soon meet his waterloo'' 

Debates have been going on back and forth, and honestly I can't see the point of it they just want to 'blow grammar' and its sad to think that Nigerians are going to vote for people who 'know grammar pass'. All the debates na just grammar to me, that's not what we need in Nigeria, the British already brought Grammar, bring Light.

Onyeka!

Totally Lit me up today.

This woman could sing!

Onyeka Onwenu

My CNN Days

I remember those days when we had just moved to the new Duplex, right in front of the hills. The area was still 'new' if you compared it to the rest of the city. We were surrounded by vegetation, my dad even carved a small garden out, Paw Paw trees, Orange and Guava ruled. Oh did I hate Paw Paw!, I still hate it. As young children, there wasn't much we could do in the area. Unlike the old quarters were we lived which had accessible hills, the ones here were close but unreachable. I had also just begun secondary school, I wanted to do new things.

We had a load of tapes of our favorite cartoons from way back, and we played them to the death. Soon, Cable was installed, but it wasn't stable. Some days all we had were news stations and some others which were straight from the Middle-East. Grudgingly, we had to watch CNN, Fox News, SKY, BBC back to back, if there was no tape or movie to see.

CNN was my favourite, it seemed to offer more of a variety of programmes, and I loved the way they spoke. I would pick up a newspaper and pretend to read like the newscasters, this was always a hit at school. I played with the idea of becoming one, fantasy! 

Summer Holidays, were the longest and I would come home straight from school, It typically lasted from about the end of June to the start of September. I usually resumed late, so make that the end of September!, two weeks less resumption never really hurt! lol. It was during this periods from '96 to '01 that I formed strong bonds with Christiana Amanpour, Wolf Blitzer, Fionnuala Sweeney, Jim Clancy, Terry Baddoo, Rosemary Church, Ralitsa Vassileva, jeff koinange, Femi Oke, Jonathan Mann, Larry King. I watched everything from World News to Sports, Entertainment and Technology programmes. I even memorized the schedule at some point.

I was glad to have CNN to watch, it kept me well informed amongst my peers, I'd always been one step ahead anyways. It was no coincidence that some of the events that shaped the world, I saw unravel first hand. 

Summer of '97 Princess Diana's death, We had played games till late but had to sleep because the next day was sunday, and we had to go to church. But for me, I couldn't sleep for a while so I got up and went to check what was on. 'Princess Diana, Car crashed!' Oh my days! I couldn't believe it as I saw the mangled car. Unbelievable!

'98 - '99 The next major event was Bill Clinton and Monica Lewinsky affair, which I followed closely. I will never forget Bill's speech 'I did not have sexual relations with that woman' even I knew He was lying.

Summer of '99, JFK jr's plane went down. I had only watched them hours ago, and now the plane was missing. I had thought of how stylish Carolyn, his wife was. And what a nice couple they seemed to be. Sad.

Summer of '01 Aaliyah was dead! In a car crash and a day before my birthday, Who didn't know Aaliyah, wow! terrible. She was 22, I was going to be 15.

Summer/Fall of '01 9/11 as it is remembered, I was just changing channels, because it seemed like a slow news day, nothing was happening. Next thing I got to BBC and saw one of the WTC towers smoking, I was just thinking how unfortunate, the plane slamming into the tower, and it was Live with the cameras pointed on the building. Next thing I knew another plane just slams into the next, OH MY GOD the video man screamed and the video became shaky with people running towards and away from the building. I was doubly stunned. Oh my God! I thought is this a movie, is this real?? 

Soon after, a couple of things changed in the house, I was graduating from secondary school and getting into University the next year. I can't remember what happened to the cable, but it lost an appeal. Given the current events in the world, I found myself getting back into that frame of mind, until someone brings me back to reality with 'Let's watch something else o!' Despite all that, those days were filled with happiness, sadness, gladness, things of a kind I would never forget. I miss my CNN Days.