Panic Room

Dear K,

How are you doing. I am sure you are in pain just as I am. Whitney Houston..unbelievable. I was still awake when I saw the news stream through my twitter feed. I had to double check my brain, there is no one else with that same name that I knew. Devastating. What's even worse is you can't begin to imagine what the family is going through. 

All what I was going to write to you about seems so insignificant now. Let's talk about life and what's more important. Last week, I've been having some issues and I did go see the doctor, currently expecting results. And then on Sunday, after managing to get some sleep after seeing the sad news, I woke up with a massive headache. It seemed like my brain had turned to stone, just awful. I still managed to get down to church, had a chat with a number of people, then headed to my Uncle's house for his birthday. The atmosphere in this house is always really warm and cosy but for some reason I was still as cold as ice. My headache was getting worse and my temperature started climbing. It was while I was lying in bed later, medicated, after having a panic attack, that I could see how the day came together.

My landlady and family traveled Sunday Morning. The trains were not running from my station and I wanted to go to church, normally I wouldn't have gone. Then it being my Uncles birthday meant I had to go to their house plus my sister was flying in otherwise I wouldn't have gone out.

Now, What if I had to be home alone, with everything coming down on me. I would have had to go to A & E and only God knows what would have happened to me. 

Whitney's issue, My issue, once again solidifying the fact that we humans are NOT meant to be alone. We can have our privacy but to be alone, is just not right.

I got lots of help yesterday and I am just so glad to have such people around me. My sister and I talked around my thing with our mum. I really can't pinpoint why our relationship is so strained, but I will definitely put more effort into keeping in touch, my sister says she will be around sometime soon, I think that'd be wonderful.

I hope you are doing great. I just want you to know that I will always be there for you, as much as my capabilities can go.

Yours Always,

E.