Not Alone

You never feel more alone than when facing the passing of a very dear one. Even the closest people cannot come close enough. They can't sit with you deep inside your mind, your heart, to have a feel of that heavy weight of sadness, to breathe the thoughts and experiences that become solid as rock.

More piercing is when you are abandoned at the moment of deepest need by family, friends... I can't begin to imagine what Jesus felt when he faced his own loss, and everyone abandoned him. At that moment on the cross, he even felt God had abandoned him.

Yet, not alone.

How could we be? Did we create we? Can the clay say it is alone, when the thumbprints of the moulder resides everywhere and in it's innermost parts?

No, we are not alone. Jesus was not...even if he felt like that his final words were “Father, I entrust my spirit into your hands!” Luke 23:46.  Those are the words of someone who knew they are not alone. 

Yes, the flesh constantly cries out, "I'm abandoned, woe is me!" but the truth speaks louder, I am with you always Matt 28:20. The Psalmist acknowledges this in Psalm 139. From the moment we took our first breath till we return to the one who gave us privilege to walk this earth as humans.

"Don't be afraid, for I am with you. Don't be discouraged, for I am your God. I will strengthen you and help you. I will hold you up with my victorious right hand" Isaiah 41:10

"So be strong and courageous! Do not be afraid and do not panic before them. For the Lord your God will personally go ahead of you. He will neither fail you nor abandon you.” Deut 31:6

Therefore, the truth of God's words are lovely and comforting because it assures us that no matter what God calls us to do or what God permits to happen in our lives, God will be there with us. God will never leave or forsake us.

How did i sleep?

I doze off, I know not the time and the hour, only to wake up at 8am.
I must have slept well, my fire was still roaring..kept me warm.

I'm still smarting from yesterday, I really lost a lot of ground because what i set out
to do for the day didn't fall in line.
As per the dog event, i feel bad about disappointing someone more so than about
missing the actual event.
I placed my needs high above..bla bla..it''ll pass :(

Right now, I have two major tasks,
get to school asap, and explain to my thesis tutor why i didnt hand in my literature review
yesterday.

I was taken by emotions yesterday, after priding myself with the fact that i don't
allow emotions control me, but it did, it did. it did.... lessons? oh yeah.. many.lol

off i go!

Thats how the desktop saved my life...

I've got lots on my mind, so much that i cant think straight , I can't do my coursework, but the strange thing is, I dont know why exactly my mind seems foggy, but i sure know one thing, theres something about a desktop that makes you wanna work!

Yay, i got to eat real pounded yam today, but the ogbono soup could have been better, yum! i'm never touching chinese food again. i should really stick to my no-fry rule. Any food i don't cook myself and aint fried, me no eat!

Holiday

I feel like i wasted my holiday, kinda, its been great having to not think of school work, but i'm still mighty pissed i didnt get to go down to the beach, >_<. I may be travelling again tomorrow to the midlands, but here i am asking myself, why do i really want to go, i want to see the town, yeah, hang out with friends, i hope signals arent being miscommunicated here though. On thursday i've been invited to a graduation party, that should be fun, next week it all ends, going back home to Arthur.

Questions

I get asked a lot of strange questions and i wonder if i should leave the recent one to a post on its own, i probably should but it is about my sexual orientation, imagine! lol.
Another question also spurred the thoughts in my mind, the only two kinds of people i want in my life, Honest and Unpretentious. I'm done with smarm.

Movies

Watched Jaws again today, lots of memories in that one and the unforgettable theme score, doom doom doom!. Also, caught up on Curious George two, too cute! love that monkey! Last but really touching was Sex and the City, i swear the number of times this movie has evaded me is legendary! i wasnt too surprised tat the plot but it still got me emotional. I'm such a romantic it kills me! but theres nothing like being happy and making someone happy..*sigh* oo! imperfect world!

Upcoming...

I'm pretty dissapointed in myself at this point, i couldn't submit the proposal anymore, i froze. i couldnt send it. i guess thats one thing fogging my mind up, there were too many questions, i couldnt draw myself to one point. i was also sort of ill on saturday, yeah it got me down. I feel i'm dissappointing not just me. i need to step up on a lot of things. I have one more week to get things straight before going home.

I am absolutely in love with Dagny Taggart, 100%. i want to get things done like she did, i know..kinda crazy, but i feel myself  there..


Conclusion of the week, Everyone is corrupted