The Only Thing Love Regrets

Is not showing more love...

This has been the clearest thing to me and biggest learning of my year so far. I look into myself and see how much God has changed me, some may put it down to maturity, we might be able to fool others, but we can't fool ourselves. I look at some of the things I used to write just a few years back, I laugh, I shake my head, I thank God I'm not the same person.

Now, I see the folly of many of my ways, I see that there was absolutely no need to behave the way I did many times. Real love does not regret loving someone even if they turn out a fool, real love puts in the best and does not regret it. Many times I hesitate because I sense something negative from the person, so what? We as Christians have been called to partake in real love, love that has power to change things for good. Not only are we called, we have been empowered to walk that way. So what have I been waiting for?
Jesus Christ gave us a fantastic portrayal of what real love is about, laying one's life down for friends, even before they become friends... Love is a present and is present, it's not something that has an end, if it does, it wasn't love. Love is personal but not performance based. Love should be said but must be shown.
There so many things I look back that I would do differently in my relationships, my relationships with family, friends, love interests and even strangers. The only thing that hurts me is I had an opportunity to love and I didn't do it. *I'm literally in tears as I write this* I repent of all the times I have not loved as I should have.
I'm grateful that today is another day, another opportunity to love truly. I know certain things go against my personality, but I'm operating under a new identity.  My feelings take me the opposite way many time, but love transcends feelings because it's focus is the good of the other. I don't know how I'm going to do it but I know God answers prayers.

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Essential Reading

Bible.
Kierkegaard's Works of Love.

Broken Things

I am a hoarder. There, I said it. Looking at my bathroom vanity it is evident. I bet the nice housekeeper who comes in every Wednesday to clean thinks it too. I find its way more than that though, lots of the things I keep are in fact broken and should have made their way to the dustbin but somewhere in my mind, i keep convincing myself I can fix them. 

In the past few years I realize that this applies to people in many ways. I'm attracted to the broken, people who are in need of help, somewhere inside me begs to have them whole again. I genuinely love to help people, but sometimes I forget that many aren't really seeking help or help from me. It's a bit upside down because I am usually the last person to ask for help. I feel blessed with my lot and I don't like to think of bothering someone else for what I want. My motto in this context has been, If I don't have it, I don't need it, even though I want it, and that is fine. I tell you, it may read nice, but it can also be quite dangerous, because sometimes we don't know what we really need or if we have it.

I looked at the broken nail file for an extra second and I thought, No I can't fix this, it tumbled into the dustbin quite nicely and I felt much better.

Nobody is Single.

Image: Bienenwabe

The first time I learnt about this story, The Lonely Death of Joyce Vincent ...some months back, I was moved to tears. I've always wanted to live alone, but with other people. I remember describing to someone, how if one lived alone, calling for help in an emergency may be impossible. I don't think humans are supposed to live alone. What bites me most about the story is that no one bothered to check for her, it hits close to home, but 3 years...astonishing. I wish we would realize how much strength we can find in reaching out to someone, and if we took more time outside of our own selves to reach out to people like this. 

I remember some weeks ago when I took a sick day off from work. I learnt about the death of El-rufai's daughter who is my agemate, and lived alone. I almost had a panic attack, I was so sad about it. I thought to myself, alone in my room. 'I don't want to end up like that'  Humans..we all need somebody.

This leads me to one thing that is true, Nobody is Single. Everyone has atleast one relationship with another person. And even if you can't pinpoint a specific relationship, think of your relationship with Humankind and Nature. A man-woman relationship or sexual relationship isn't the zenith of relationships, it is just ONE kind. People should not be made to feel less than they are because they are not  in that kind of relationship, some can EASILY do without this (e.g ME) with no sense of loss. 

Ofcourse 'society' will pander to what sells, Sex, Romance, this drives SALES, but is really a selfish concept and has made people think less of themselves. The individualistic philosophy of the Western world, where everyone screams ME, ME, ME has lead to this terrible, harmful mindset. We can do without this and is really the better way.

If you are alone in your house this season, stop thinking about yourself for one second and lamenting that you are 'single' There are many out there, who need someone to talk to. Call somebody, Go to your local shelter and volunteer, do something!

I hope it won't be too late for us to realize that all we have is each other.


Edit: If you can read> http://www.cascadance.com/why-neuroscience/
also, Malcolm Gladwell's Outliers..where he writes about the Rosetta Community, very interesting.

Blink!

'Snap Judgements' 'Impulse buys' 'First Impressions' We all know what these mean, decisions we take at the spur of the moment which are not premeditated or planned before hand. I call FALSE, and this is exactly what Malcolm Gladwell in his Blink! book points out. Snap judgments are not really made up there and then, they take time to build up, they are 'learned'. Even emotions, a hot tempered person wasn't born hot tempered. Actions and Decisions are complex, nothing really happens 'simply'

Yesterday I tried to explain the reasons I left Twitter to someone who asked why. I remember saying 'It wasn't like I planned it or anything, I was just tweeting and then I just stopped' When I put the phone down, I felt like I had just lied. While my decision at the time, appeared to be done, 'snaply' I had thought about leaving twitter, times without number, I had thought of the things that I couldn't reconcile with myself. Basically it had been a long time coming.

Another example, would be suicides which leave you with no explanations as to what must have happened. Gary Speed, everyone is saying 'oh he was so happy, this and that, the day began like every other day'. I don't think he was possessed or someone killed him, so what happened?. It may seem like a spur of the moment thing, but it really is just an outward manifestation of minutes, seconds, days of buildup in the mind.

Next time you think your decision or action 'just happened', blink, think again. I am sure that having this knowledge would help us give our actions a second over before we make them. It will also help us reduce the judgements we pass on others and frequency of bad decisions or actions. 

Noise

Unmanaged thoughts
Discord in the head
Through all the mind pollution
It’s the Word that must be heard
Cluttered hearts
Blind eyes
Political correctness
In place of the prize
If they move it
From the doorpost
Of every governing place
The Word of God
Lives in the heart
Of His Faithful race
No color code
No barricade
No legislative sneer
Can take the place
Of the Holy Spirit
Drawing us more near

© Cheryl Farris- INTERNAL NOISE: Chaos to Christ

God destroys both the Blameless and Guilty, Is this Just?

Recently, I have been discovering what being 'Christian' really means I describe myself as someone who was lost wandering and wondering through the corridors of religion but has finally found the right path and is discovering something new every day.

So I wrote the title of this post on my Facebook status some weeks ago. I wasn't really expecting answers, I just wanted to see what may be drawn out from people. I knew the answer to the question, I wanted to find out if people also knew. I had done a study before that day and understood why God was, apart from the fact that the scriptures have it written explicitly. The replies I got were quite horrid, and many claimed that I was 'insulting' God. I had to wonder if we were reading the same bible.

Well, fast-forward to the Tsunami that hit Japan, and you have all these questions thrown up also. Any loss of any kind is a sad occurrence and as Humans we should atleast show some compassion to those suffering, but the need to turn it into a God doesn't exist/God Exists debate, is what I don't understand. Some even went as far as saying it was Karma on the Japanese because of Whaling and the bombing on Pearl Harbor, ridiculous. I personally was reminded about how vulnerable we are as Humans, no matter what great achievement we think we have, in the twinkle of an eye, it could be completely wiped out.

So, is this God's Plan/Will, Is it fair? Did God create earthquakes/tsunamis? I may not fully understand why we suffer so much in the world, but the bible gives the best explanation so far. God created everything and it was good and is still good. But what happened? Sin came into the world, and the book of Genesis is clear on how. Relationships were broken. Between God and Man, Man and Man, Man and Animals, Man and Nature. It became a survival of the fittest. This means that as long as we are on this earth, Rain will fall on everybody, nothing like karma but thankfully that's not the end. I am sure the tsunami is a logical occurrence according to the Laws of Nature and since Man has a broken relationship with Nature, it's hard to believe that would have been stoppable. Still, we have seen where good has come out of suffering so it surely cannot be the end. For more on creation and our role as Human Beings, read this paper

To conclude, We know sad things would always happen, but is it worth arguing over what caused it and why (uncontrollable situations) . Why don't we just respond positively to those suffering, offering a hand, offering some aid, offering an ear. Showing love, compassion, tenderness and sensitivity. If all you can do is pray, pray that people are comforted somehow, pray that they might even begin to think about ideas which would ensure a higher level of safety in case of a next time, not only in Japan but in other parts of the world. Give, give your time, efforts and money where possible to aid those suffering. Tender-hearts.....that's all I pray for.

Do Ugly people feel less pain?

You know I've thought about this several times but not quite deeply. It was only recently where someone on hearing the death of some girls commented 'and they were so pretty'. I started to think about this again. The importance we lend to physical appearance is so staggering, and it invades every aspect of our lives. I too have made such a comment once upon a time, I can't remember a specific event but I must have. What does someone's percieved 'prettiness' or 'handsomeness' have to do with a sad occurrence in connection with them. Are people who are 'beautiful' in our opinions not supposed to go through pain? Or if they do, is it more than their beauty should allow? Do they get a pass mark, should the 'angel of death' pass over them? We hear it all the time, or is it out of courtesy?, that we just have to make such comments. I am trying to understand. Aaah well.

I learnt today that

                                         Atheists actually claim to be God.

It's even in my cooking!

It is no secret that I do not like cooking, on any normal day. The whole process annoys me. You spend nothing less than 30mins to make food that will be consumed in less than 15mins, and some portions ending up in the trash bin. I've always told myself that cooking, for me, must transcend cooking to just satisfy hunger. If it is to satisfy hunger, Fast food is the BEST option, only grugdingly would I cook if I am DYING of hunger, and I have no money to buy fastfood.

It was only recently I began to see the similarities between my relationship with cooking and my relationship with God./nature of man. People think that its inherent for man to do good, If so? what is making us do bad? People think that it should be inherent for a Woman to like cooking and babies and all that jazz, but I don't like cooking and I know some people who do not like babies.lol. Therefore, Just like I strive to cook, people strive to do good, It really doesn't come natural. People would default like me, as I default to buying fastfood, they default to do things which would bring instant rewards. Take for instance the armed robber, for him it is easier to steal other peoples things to get things for himself, in other words, Doing bad does seem to have plenty rewards Palsm 73.

WHY would I cook at all?

Cooking, just like doing good (whatever you define good to be, like cooking.lol) whether you like it or not, has rewards. Even though the reward is simply satisfing hunger or feeling good about yourself, there is something reasonable that comes out of it. It is likely not instant! and most times you only do it for other people (albeit grudgingly sometimes) but to a large extent, these other people become happy.

The Parallel: Why would we do good as Christians?

I love this man, I love and trust him very much with all my heart and soul, and I know he loves me back, not just because of what he says, but mostly because of what he has done, his actions. “A tiger does not proclaim its tigritude. It pounces.” - wole soyinka. I also know, through our interaction and relationship that he LOVES banga soup..As in, its not funny!.Anywhere He goes he must eat banga soup. Europe, Asia, Australasia, the Caribbean, America. He must find that soup and eat it! it is that bad!. And this Man now lives with me, we are committed (married), in love, its been great. This man LOVES this banga soup, and I don't like cooking. I will learn how to cook this soup for him, deliberately and with intent, because I know he LOVES it and it will make him happy. Obviously the first time I make it, It can't be perfect, and as I do it more often, because he Loves it, I would only get better. If someone else tells me to make the soup for them, I am 90% likely not to make it especially if there's nothing for me to gain. But given that its my Man's best soup, for him, it is 100% likely that I will make it. Ofcourse even if I don't cook this soup,, My man won't love me less, I guess it would just be disappointing to him..Imagine! lol.

Take a minute to think this through and see how this relates to the relationship with God, His love and how our response should be to him. You really can't claim to love or trust someone if you cannot do what they say or take actions towards the things they love, what an uncomfortable relationship that would be!
For now I'm off to cook some soup ;D

Wetin Concern Gorimapa with Shower Cap??

This is a loaded Rhetoric, It makes me laugh, but more so than that, It lends truth to the current state of our world. When people try to take on things that make no difference to them, but constitute a waste of resources and subsequent discomfort, even though they may not admit! Hilarious 

the Lesson is, Don't Do it because others are DOing it!

Our House, The Hotel.

'You have to sleep in the other room' these were familiar words we grew up with. Most times, the 'other room'  was the living room. There was a hardly a time, where we lived in our house, as a nuclear family, alone. For as long as I can remember there were always people, relatives, helps, uncles, cousins..and so on, living with us.and the random..well not totally random stranger who my parents..usually one of them at a time, decided to help.

The First Hotel was a three bedroom 'government' apartment in V.I, which had two floors, a living room and a 'make-shift' lobby/childrens room on the top floor. For the period we lived here, I can't remember us being asked to sleep elsewhere but we had auntys and 'helps' with us. I still have pictures from my 1st year brtday which i vaguely remember.(Believe it or not! lol) Some vivid memories like when one of our Auntys..my mums younger sister. punished me for something I really can't remember. She asked me to drink about 10 bottles of water, the bottles were glass and had different colours. One of my chores then as a Nursery school student was to fill the bottles and put in the fridge. When I was asked to kneel and drink the water, I thought it was a piece of cake, But on the second bottle, my tummy had swollen, it was like I had kwashiokor. I begged for mercy.

The Second  Hotel, tucked away in an 'Estate' on the Mainland, what comes to mind is the Nigerian remix of the song 'Umbrella' It was a four bedroom flat with just a little living room, I remember spending some nights sprawled on the couch here. In the 3-year period we lived there, We had our Grandma who had one room solely to herself, she also took care of my little sister, My aunt was there too. A male relative ('Uncle') who constantly had some issues with my older sisters shared a room with my brother who was at Uni then and usually came every now and then. Life here was dogged by NEPA-less nights, mosquitos, Borehole issues and what not. It was a great time though my 'coming-of-age'

The Third Hotel, All the way in the capital city of Abuja. This was by far the most spacious house, and is basically GRAND compared to all the others. I honestly cannot even give a number of the people who have passed through this hotel. It was in this house, my sisters and I thought about it and said Honestly, this is *insert surname* Hotel. The house has Five bedrooms and a 'Boys-quarter' But i have spent a lot of time in the sitting room (Luckily there were two of them). There have been diffrent kinds of people here (The good, the bad, the witch, Beauty and the Ugly), but the only time I remember my mum complain was when she said of a relative who had spent about two years and was working 'Common toothpaste, he cannot even buy!' and she spoke of a female 'Who does she expect to wash her plates??' Other than that, Its been a free for all. as long as you weren't lazy, lying, stealing or being a 'principality'

As kids, to us it was just fun and games, As teenagers we didnt find it funny a lot of times. But as we began to grow older. Certain things began to click..Well for me, it did. I have had to spend time in other people's homes, over the course of my education. While we lived in Abuja, I was still at boarding school in Lagos. But during Mid-term breaks, There was no way I was going to Abuja for the three to four days it was, so I had to put up with Family-Friends and Relatives...I have experienced good and very bad times, but not as bad as my friend in the same plight who got molested by a relative who was even a Pastor...

Even right now, I have been staying with my 'Aunt' and 'Uncle' who are the nicest people ever, for the past one month. My Uncle once said 'Staying with people is probably one of the most difficult things to do' My friends have really bad narrations of their ordeals staying with people and it is just a sad cycle. It always pays to treat people with decency and dignity, respect others as Human beings. You don't know where you or yours would end up tomorrow. Treat people the way, you would like to be treated. These are some of the things I have learnt from these episodes of my life.

Thou Shalt not Poor.

World Population --- 7,000,000,000

World Average Income --- $10,000

World Financial Need --- $70,000,000,000,000

World Millionaires --- 9,000,0000, 0.13% of population

World Billionaires --- 793, 0.00001% of population

World GDP --- $70,650,000,000,000

Per Individual$ --- 10,093

Per  Family (4) --- $40,371

BL: There is ENOUGH for everyone nobody really should be 'poor'. There is enough money in the world for us all ,only humans are greedy and we cannot blame God. Only blame would be that Man was given freedom and dominion over the earth.

Guileless

There are few people in this world that you can look into their eyes and see no guile... I love that word 'guile'. You look into their eyes and its all calm, not that there's no problem with the world or with them. There is just no guile.

Some People

Click on the picture

AWESOME!!

Some_People_by_MumblingIdiot (Deviantart)

You Should Watch This pt1.

Wake Up!

I stumbled...

I just stumbled on a story i was trying to write four years ago. lol


My Experiment with Truth


I’ve always loved to watch. Yeah I loved to just sit back and watch people, trying to understand their reasons. I wasn’t a shy kid but my deliberate quietness gave the feeling to some people that I was timid and a certain percentage thought I bordered on being insane. 

Oh yes I was a watcher; my primary 4 school teacher aptly described me when complaining to my mum one dreary day. I remember her and my mum outside the class while i was sitted at my desk, it had rained an hour ago, my mum was looking cold. This was right after the bell had gone to signal the close of school for the day. My mum had come to pick me up, she usually didn’t but the letter I gave her the day before made her.

My teacher was just being dramatic I thought because her hands where all over the place while my mum in her designer suit stood tall and erect, not a hair was out of place in her tightened bun…she had such a smooth fair complexion that people wondered if I was her child. Though I couldn’t hear the words they exchanged quite well, I could read their lips, one of the things I had learnt watching people. My teacher was saying; she sits like a lump, hardly says a word until she’s talked to, she’s slow. Her huge eyes keep staring like she hasn’t got a clue to what’s happening in the world only in the fantasy world that she keeps daydreaming about, I just don’t know what to do with her, blah …blah …blah. My mum began to ask some questions in her distinctive low toned voice with the exaggerated‘s’
Her grades are okay? Does she have friends?, blah blah.

Yes, I loved to take my time; I was a bit plump, tall enough for my age with a dark skin and long dark hair at least by Nigerian standards; my hair though in plaits stopped at my back just above my elbow. That was the only thing that made people notice me, apart from the fact that I moved like a cow in labour. I loved the speculation that surrounded me. I could almost see question marks on people’s heads as they looked at me in fact I imagined huge ones dancing around their heads, oh it amused me greatly.

I was still musing on that when my mums voice, called ‘ssStacie’, I quickly grabbed my Mickey Mouse backpack and hurried to meet them. My teacher’s hands were crossed now, thank goodness! Her energy had been draining mine.

I don't mean to be rude but....

So I was at the Train station waiting to go home, and a man 'Ghanaian' came to ask me for money, giving some crack story that he just arrived in the country, He is short of money, he needs to take a coach to 'Norrich' he also gave some unnecessary history.

Ok, i was torn between my feelings of empathy and Logic, Logic won though. I just thought, 'Scam', but then i didn't have cash on me and i told him. He then goes on to say 'I don't mean to be rude, but there is ATM'  The cheeky beggar! 

I didn't know whether to laugh or to give him some tongue lashing, so i just meekily said 'Yeh i know, but i don't want to go there' and he shuffled away.

Really glad i didn't give him anything.

I want to be a Porn Star!

So my friend wakes up this morning to ask me 'What's your take on Lawrence Fishburne's daughter issue?' Sure i am aware of it, being that every time I open my computer I would see it somewhere on the internets. Funny enough, I've had no take on it...strange.

My friend goes on to argue that it was perfectly ok, and normal. 'But you see even that brings up the questions, What is normal? what is ok? and many more' I tell him, adding 'One thing i do know though is, people are hypocrites'

I say that from the Father's perspective I would hurt, because She was once a little girl with other dreams.

My friend is unconvinced. He says he believes the general reaction, have been more of disbelief than outrage, people asking questions like 'Does she really think she needs to do that???'. Possibly, I think, i also don't think she was forced into it.

My friend says he doesn't pity the father, and I. don't think its about Pity. I look at my niece, as a 1yr old child, i can't imagine the transition. It cannot even cross my mind (before yesterday). I guess its possibly the same emotions that run through a Parent's mind when their child 'comes out of the closet' It doesn't fit the pattern of 'Normal'

My friend sticks to the notion that perhaps Lawrence himself wasn't a good father, because he doesn't understand how ones child could be involved in such and doesn't know until everyone knows. He said if one is that close to their children they ought to have picked up such. I only agree to an extent, because i know teenagers when it comes to such matters, parents are sometimes the last to know, no matter how close they are.

The girl claims that Lawrence hasn't spoken to her since, maybe He doesn't want to listen. My friend does raise a very valid point at this time. 'What some parents do, bad parents'. He begins 'When their children do anything they consider 'shameful' they react in the stupidest way possible by cutting them off . If the child was wayward and confused when things were 'ok' , when you were talking, when you stop talking, what do you expect? If your child has bad friends, won't cutting him/her off just drive her back to those same friends?'

I agreed with that, and he left my messenger saying 'since you've agreed..'.

I didn't know he was just trying to prove a point! lol. But he did make me think about the issue (and blog it!)

But yeah, I cant understand her mode of thinking, and as a parent, the only thing i would be able to do is love her as i've always done.

what the crack!

I don't feel 'alive'

What is this life anyway.

I'm just so stressed, i thought i knew the reasons but i can't seem to place it

and it seems I be taking it on everyone else. naaah..not likely

they are just asses and deserve my backlash.

Far Apart

So I'm observing something. I'm in this house. I'm in the sitting room, on my laptop, listening to Janelle Monae with earphones.The man of the house is chatting away in Yoruba on his cell phone, the lady is on the house phone chatting away in Britico-English, The son is watching Telly and now on to Facebook

Together but so Far apart.