With Friends like This...

Me & Ham (2008)

You have hammered.

Sometimes it takes a bit of retrospection (casting of the eyes backward contemplatively ) to truly appreciate what you've had or the journey you have been on. I don't have many words to describe how grateful and thankful I am for this girl. I never knew that, at the moment we took the picture above in school that we would still be friends now, 5years after but time doth fly.

Ham wrote an amazing post about our journey HERE one I really can't compose. Read and appreciate, don't just see it as a story of both of us, but see it as an example of what loyalty and friendship means.

Love always to Ham.

Circus Kids

The Clown.

He made them giggle, loudly too. I'd never thought the sound of 50+ children, laughing, could be so beautiful. They were with family, and they seemed to be having a great time as well. Then something struck me...

Children.

Do we, should we all want them? We all were once, for some people it's actually hard to believe they were that tiny (pics or it didn't happen). I struggle with my thoughts around having children. I've always thought I'd love to do a Jolie-Pitt but there are so many things I'm scared of, things I'm not convinced of. Research says children do not make you happier i.e you don't have kids so you can be happy because it will go the opposite way, fast. So why then?

While sat in the Circus with the sound of laughter rising above the smell of animal urine, I began to understand a reason why. God didn't create us to make God happier, we were created to delight in this happy God, to share God's joy and bask in God's love, such delight. It's a huge responsibility but seeing all those families glowing made me want to share my love, share my joy. I was glad to have my sister with me, we had a jolly time.

True Story: The Soap Opera (I)

The Start

I met M on Hi5 in 2006. Remember Hi5? I know, I feel like I just sent you into a time machine. Anyways, we had a few chats here and there, we were in different countries at the time. In 2007, while on my IT (Industrial attachment) He had come into the country and came to see me where I lived. The day started nice but then there was the broken down car, I didn't hold it against him, I promise, it was cute. Fastforward to 2009, I told him I was going to be in his country where he lived and worked for my Masters degree. He seemed excited, and I was glad to be going somewhere different.

The North

I love to travel and was glad when he asked me to come up further north, he even paid for my tickets. I spent the weekend with him. It was a room in a shared flat. I could see better how I could relate to him and I started to like him and I told him. There were some nagging issues but He felt we could work on things and I thought sure, let's see how this goes.He sent me a handwritten letter.

I went up again during Christmas, there were some events we went for and I checked his phone for pictures, and then I stumbled on the picture of someone I knew. This picture belonged to a close friend of my older sister, who she has known since secondary school. I was devastated. I asked him about her, and he laughed and tried to dismiss it saying that she was chasing him, and that it was a small world.  I thought, that might be true, but I couldn't shake the fact, that she had stayed in the same house, with him, recently. Ofcourse he couldn't have known I knew her, but you don't entertain someone who is just chasing you.

The Break

When we were to part, I told him it could not work. We were both hurt in some way. Aside the case of my sister's friend, I felt we didn't have much in common at that point. He was a nice guy but I didn't find him physically attractive, I told myself not to be shallow, that physical attractiveness could come as you get to know and like someone, so these weren't deal breakers for me.

We kept in touch for a bit and things started building up again, I wanted him to give me assurance that he had resolved whatever was going on with my sister's friend, but I got none. I even got to see this woman with my sister later in the year. I just couldn't imagine 'fighting' with her for a man.

The American

I met a guy late 2010 and my focus changed. I was going on my own jolly way and he showed up. I really liked this guy and I thought 'May the best man win' The American won my heart but it wasn't easy. I was hurt that M didn't try harder...

The Friends

I went to University in the country I left with two girls who were very close friends S & F. I was close to F and S had been my actual classmate, we were friends to an extent. Pictures we took together are still on Facebook. In 2010, S did some hurtful things to F. One of which was leaving the country and not even letting her know. I remember these girls teasing me about the guys I liked, and I revealed The American and M to them. I found out through some chats later that she had gone to school in the same city as M.

To Be Continued...

Empty

I am totally out of opinions.

I was thinking of something to write about and I came up short. Only thing I can say at this point in my life is, I am making peace with somethings I got tangled in, friendships, betrayals, that sort of. Secondly! I am hopelessly pining after a guy I met once in a Starbucks. I mean, how does this happen, we only spoke like 10, 15 words between us and the sense of loss I feel is astronomical. He offered me his phone number, I turned it down (it's paining me now) because we live oceans apart and so on and so forth (decided not to be involved in LDRs because for some reason, I am attracted to guys that live far away from me! but no more!) or so I thought. 

One more thing to make peace with eh.