Age of Chill

Wise. That was my reply when my friend asked me how I felt entering a new decade. She laughed. I laughed, but I did feel that way. I felt I had been given a second chance to live a better way, the way of love. And as a late bloomer I welcome it.

Gratitude. I've had an overwhelming sense of gratitude, which has helped me look to the future and combat a downward spiral into anxiety and depression. The past 4 months have been the darkest, most painful ever and the clouds linger but I know love and time soothes all for those who want to be.

Chill. I feel like, what's the stress man? life is too short for pettiness. Remember to go where love is, laugh alot, don't take myself too seriously, smile easily. This is how I have determined to live in this age, so help me God.

The Measure of a Man

I stumbled upon a playlist sometime in early May on Youtube and I've been hooked since then. I had no idea how much it was going to affect and influence my life over the weeks to come. I had no idea how my life was going to radically change.

First, it was the promise of true love and then, the death of it, followed by the realization of a love that never ends..

Emotional, turbulent are not enough to describe the past few months. *phew* the tears still threaten to fall. Weariness that comes from the innards, where no amount of resting will salve still washes over me. Yet, I am grateful, what madness is this?

One of the songs on the playlist, which is from Forerunner Music is called "Measure of a man" by Misty Edwards the lyrics go like this

The measure of a man is the measure of his heart
The measure of a man is the measure of his love

You don't measure me like man may see
You're looking at my heart, the core of me
Your eyes of fire see differently
Keep me in the gaze of love

The measure of a man is the measure of his heart
The measure of a man is the measure of his love

When it's all been said, when it's all been done
When the race is run, well it all comes down to love

Did you learn to love? That's what You will ask of me
Did you learn to love? Not about my ministry
Did you learn to love? Not about my money
Did you learn to love? Did you learn to love?

These were the questions I had to ponder after facing the biting reality of a heart that will no longer beat. What is life really all about? Alcohol? What is love in the midst of all this? What am I to do? What is the important thing?

Love. 

Stark and raw, not like the world gives.

Loved first so now we can love truly.

Yes, I am so grateful. A gratitude that moves me to tears though it's the first time I see my brain actively try to block memories.
oh what change, the look ahead on entering a new decade, what does it feel like? how have I changed? Wiser? What have I achieved? more questions to ponder. 
No matter what, the answer remains.

Love.

 Love is patient, love is kind. It does not envy, it does not boast, it is not proud. It does not dishonor others, it is not self-seeking, it is not easily angered, it keeps no record of wrongs. Love does not delight in evil but rejoices with the truth. It always protects, always trusts, always hopes, always perseveres.

 Love never fails.