Huff huff

There is so much to blog about, but aah, so little time!
I have never been so swamped and behind at the start of a semester.
it's all good. I didn't even feel stressed mentally but my body thought otherwise
because i developed a very annoying tic/twitch in my right eye, I need to slow down.

I hope i get the chance to chill a bit this weekend and write a proper post, till then! ^_^

Coming out of the closet.

I grew up as a tomboy to an extent, i loved pants and rough things, but i also loved playing with dolls and girls. I remember a play (we 'acted' a lot of dramas amongst ourselves) i was the wife i think, and my husband was a female too, and yeah we 'kissed' That was my first encounter, never thought it would have any effect on me later and sure as hell, it did not.lol

Anyway, fast forward to secondary school, the land of 'Cliques' and what not, I had this close friend who was part Camerounian and part Nigerian (Adamawaian.lol) We were very close for the most part of the years in Navy. There was always the whisper of , 'Are they lesbians??' 'you guys would fit' and all sorts. I was a bit light in complexion while she was dark, we were both slender. I really enjoyed her company but alas the last year of secondary education saw our relationship break apart. Between some dude who 'asked her out' and me saying she had 'Gorro teeth' it was never the same again. I hear she is married with kids now, i wish her all the best.

University! I really thought my life would take a new unimagined turn here, and sure it didnt. Well, i was basically just going through the motions, doing my own thing and trying to get by. I also had this tee shirt

Which i loved. I love statement tee-shirts ya know, i wore it quite proudly, i wasn't trying to refer to anybody, i  just saw it as funny, but then the comments started to waft in 'She must be Lesbian' 'Is she a lesbian' 'Honey are you gay??' lol

Soon after i became close to a girl in my class, we went everywhere together, we were both about the same height and light in complexion. One day, one of our male friends actually had the gall to look us in the eye and go 'You guys would really fit as a lesbian couple, you look good together' i didnt know whether to take this as a compliment or smack him over the head and run. Well, my friend went off to the US of A after one semester and i was left alone, i didn't get close to anyone like her , there was no one like her obviously and i really couldn't be bothered with second best.

Anyways, Life after school and in general, people would always wonder about my sexual orientation, why does it bug folk so much? i have no idea! i like that i am androgynous, but does that specify orientation? i think not. Well i guess its time i just let it out , once and for all, put smiles on some folks faces and some that would say 'hey i told you so!' here goes, 

I'm totally out of the closet now, and yup you said it, I am Heterosexual!!! (Whatever that means, but i dont swing) there! :)

Hair me!

Haven't done a post on my hair in a while, so here i've got pictures, my current hair style
16inch plus kinky braids and the length my hair is now after one year, 6inches.

I also learnt a couple of stuff about getting braids in, using 'human hair' not synthetic because its too harsh on the hair, also washing and moisturising the roots as much as possible, keeping the ends well protected too.

Letting it out

I really do try with people... I really do, but I refuse to waste any more energy pursuing lost causes. What's the joy in a relationship if so much effort is put in with little return, no system can work like that without breaking down. Anybody that takes way more than they put in if they put in any effort at all, is just a looter.

There is so much in my personal and professional life I need to focus on, but first of all I have to let go of these people. The funny thing is, they don't add zero to my life and I've been kidding myself. oh well, looking on the sunny side, it wasn't always gloomy, but the drift sets in. I never can explain the drift, but I guess it happens, and after haven expended so much energy initially, when the drift sets in with such people, you just give up.

This is to moving on, enjoying life as it comes and looking forward to the next thing

Yesterday

Do i like Him? i dont know, i usually respond to peoples' feelings for me. If i feel nothing, response = 0 and so on and so forth, bad thing? i dont know, but its something i've come to learn about myself, But i swear , iv daydreamed about it a lot, thats how i fall asleep. If i feel nothing...., the clock is ticking, i would find something else to daydream about.



In other news,

Went further south from the midlands, my back hurts, from coach to tube to train, damm! i am wasted. Went for a grad party, it was cool to hang around and meet new people. oh yeah, i was standing by myself at Waterloo waiting for my friend so we could both hit the party, and here comes this dude with gold in his teeth trying to chat me up. First he gave a wink as he passed me, but he came back. 'i like ur hair' i smile sheepishly 'oh ur so cute, are you american?' 'Why are you acting like guys dont try to hit on you' then i see my friend coming, and i smile 'oh your..' the guy says, i give a nod while my friend gives me a hug, the guy smiles and saunters away. Oh thou commuters!

Meanwhile, just before i got to the station...this guy, a muslim, gets on my car while in the tube, to be honest i was scared for like 5minutes, what if he was a suicide bomber??..... i had thought. Well this deserves a post on its own and i will find time to do it, 'The stereotype we feed'

Before i go to sleep, just a little word on the documentary on BBC 'Welcome to Lagos' I really liked it, it was so refreshing to hear Naija-speak not like the disappointment Blood and Oil wrought. I loved the frankness of the stories. I guess the only thing i didnt like was that it was incomplete. I didnt recognise Lagos, because the docu started out in the slums, and if that is Lagos. I was bred in some other state then. I would have imagined that the documentary would give a brief overview of what Lagos is and then zoom into the slum, dump areas. Anyway, it was emotional and really good plus i loved the soundtrack! ^_^

So there, Night! my eyes are already half way down...

The Maltina bottle syndrome

When I was much younger there was a popular 'yab' or insult which wasn't really intended to offend, 'You no tall, you no short, you no fat, you no thin, you just be like maltina bottle' LOL! I can remember using it countless times but I didnt realize this was going to follow me for life. 

I stand at about 5.6, and what most people hear me moan about is how tall I wish I was. Really, I'm not tall enough to stand out, for people to comment on how long my legs are or how I could be a model, I can't stretch out of my short legs, it hurts. I'm not short enough to be called cute or petite, imagine! I'm stuck in the middle, 'just there' 'average'. aaah, its not fair o.

Thats how the desktop saved my life...

I've got lots on my mind, so much that i cant think straight , I can't do my coursework, but the strange thing is, I dont know why exactly my mind seems foggy, but i sure know one thing, theres something about a desktop that makes you wanna work!

Yay, i got to eat real pounded yam today, but the ogbono soup could have been better, yum! i'm never touching chinese food again. i should really stick to my no-fry rule. Any food i don't cook myself and aint fried, me no eat!

Holiday

I feel like i wasted my holiday, kinda, its been great having to not think of school work, but i'm still mighty pissed i didnt get to go down to the beach, >_<. I may be travelling again tomorrow to the midlands, but here i am asking myself, why do i really want to go, i want to see the town, yeah, hang out with friends, i hope signals arent being miscommunicated here though. On thursday i've been invited to a graduation party, that should be fun, next week it all ends, going back home to Arthur.

Questions

I get asked a lot of strange questions and i wonder if i should leave the recent one to a post on its own, i probably should but it is about my sexual orientation, imagine! lol.
Another question also spurred the thoughts in my mind, the only two kinds of people i want in my life, Honest and Unpretentious. I'm done with smarm.

Movies

Watched Jaws again today, lots of memories in that one and the unforgettable theme score, doom doom doom!. Also, caught up on Curious George two, too cute! love that monkey! Last but really touching was Sex and the City, i swear the number of times this movie has evaded me is legendary! i wasnt too surprised tat the plot but it still got me emotional. I'm such a romantic it kills me! but theres nothing like being happy and making someone happy..*sigh* oo! imperfect world!

Upcoming...

I'm pretty dissapointed in myself at this point, i couldn't submit the proposal anymore, i froze. i couldnt send it. i guess thats one thing fogging my mind up, there were too many questions, i couldnt draw myself to one point. i was also sort of ill on saturday, yeah it got me down. I feel i'm dissappointing not just me. i need to step up on a lot of things. I have one more week to get things straight before going home.

I am absolutely in love with Dagny Taggart, 100%. i want to get things done like she did, i know..kinda crazy, but i feel myself  there..


Conclusion of the week, Everyone is corrupted

The Angels

Everytime i hear a dog bark, i miss them so much!! T_T 

Love  em to death

Barty and Angel

Home Alone

Almost got jumped on Tuesday, I was in Kensington, busy trying to get money from the ATM when i heard 'Gimme money' chei i turned to my right to be sure, i was the one whoever was talking, was talking to! I saw a black dude with a cap and my heart started to race, he said it again and i punched 'Cancel' on the machine, grabbed my card and did a 4.40, i'd never been so scared on the streets in the midst of many people. lord have mercy!

I also managed to injure my finger yesterday.lol.

Guys and Down south

Right! i got a wide smile from an older long loc-ed guy on a train, im so happy, i must be attracting the right attention now with my hair-do! lol.

Guys Guys, relationships!! i swear if i had my way these issues wont come up at all, but then again almost every discussion i have with people seems to always lapse into this. I can't say ive got guys chasing after me, atleast not in the way i'd imagine.hehe. but can't life have meaning without all these tasking emotions??

It may be that i'm looking for the perfect dude, i dunno, i just want a human being that makes sense to me! I just got to read Ayn Rand's Atlas Shrugged, late? i know. I read Fountainhead long time ago, but only just got around to Atlas..and i love when i read a book, where i have connections to the female characters..

i could be Dagny, i love her. thats the kind of person i could see myself as, and the connection i would want with guys..I also hear that Angelina Jolie is up to play Dagny Taggart, that would be perfect because i love Angelina too!!! Sigh, back to earth you say. Then again, like i said if i had my way, these issues wont be brought up!

So i've been moving quite around in a space of three days, and i still have about 20hrs in journey time to clock. ive been sleeping like a sheep! better now, cause in three weeks i wont have that luxury. Still have a lot of coursework to get through! woo

This weekend went with some folk , guy i knew back in uni, really sad, then Abubakar Rimi..heart attack,..jeez. What can we do? nothing but LiVe the life we are given.

Quote of the day: 'I hired you to do your job, not your best...whatever that is' -- Dagny

*Sigh!*

Sometimes................Many times, i feel like i should just go and live on a farm.

Mash it UP!

Between One dude in the Library asking to take a picture of my hair for a 'project' and another harassing me on the street about Biafra, i've met quite a number of crazy Geordie folk. I'm just looking forward to my holiday joo, I've got so much work but i need to sleep for atleast one week! hehe.

Also, got to watch the BBC drama Blood and Oil. I simply cannot take any movie serious that gets the Nigerian accent wrong! it kills me, i swear. The Drama wasnt bad but, as a Nigerian, you will find yourself shaking your head over some unnecessary over exaggerated scenes, and then the cringeworthy accent with zero pidgin!, Aaaargh! Gotta give them credit for some things that were on point sha.lol!