With Gratitude, Painful Tears

                                          Picture: http://www.larryponchobrown.com

I used to be very proud of the fact that I didn't cry often, despite being flogged or insulted. I thought I had it pretty set, there were only things when i'd cry that I never planned. Recently as God has been breaking me down, I have been shedding tears for 'no reason' and very often, daily. I also realized that I could tell the difference between my fake tears and real tears, funny eh. Of course everyone really knows when they are shedding crocodile tears or not. No. When you peel onions you will cry automatically though (the red onions more so than the white, put a spoon in your mouth to stop it ). 

When I cry genuinely, my eyes HURT, I don't know why, but since I have no control over these tears, It happens. I tried to google, to find if it was some condition, I can't even explain how it hurts, but it makes me never want to shed a tear again. Still, I am grateful for the ability to cry, I'm thankful that I am being broken down in many ways than I could imagine. I'm learning loads and I wouldn't have it any other way. If it has to hurt, so be it.

''I know that I've been,

Given more than beyond measure,

I come alive when,

I see beyond my fears

I know that I've been given more than earthly treasure,

I come alive when

I've broken down and given you control''

- Jeremy Camp ~ Beyond Measure