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Saturday, December 11, 2010

Where Do we go from here...

I started writing this note last Saturday..but I just could not find the words i really needed, but I will try.
I woke up friday morning thinking, Sometimes we forget people on the internet are real too. The past two days I found out one of those i met on an online forum, NL had deleted me off his facebook friendlist. Someone would think, 'It's only facebook' perhaps, but I didn't think he was just a casual acquaintance. Others have deleted me and I didn't even think twice about it. 

Anyway I was advised to ask him why, personally I thought, yeah..just to know where I stand. I did, and He says ' I didn't think you'd notice or give a fiddler's fart if you did. It's nothing personal. I removed a lotta people who were acquaintances and I rarely communicate with' I honestly can't tell where we got to this point. There are people i don't speak to in months, but when we talk its always a good thing. I was glad I knew, atleast, where I stood with him. And me, being me, I always think about most events of my life quite deeply.
I tweeted then 'The day that an ex-friend explains why he deleted you from his FB friendlist is the same day an old friend tells how much he misses you #life' That was exactly what happened. Someone i had worked with during NYSC and hadnt spoken to, up to five times after told me he that, I really appreciated it.

Some hours later, I heard that a guy I had had some banter with on NL, same forum..had died. This would have been the 1st of December or 30th Novmber my time when he was shot. I immediately felt cold after the whole thing managed to compute. I looked at all the news sources and what not, I just couldn't believe it. This person wasn't even my friend, I had interacted with him once or twice but I felt a sense of loss. 
He last posted on the 29th of November on the forum. The circumstances around his death, completely devastating,I can't imagine what the family are going through. It took me back to;
Sometimes we think people on here will forever be at a computer, only dying of natural causes, old age, hunger or electric shock. Perhaps..Rapture (as some school of thoughts think it) It's so easy to divide offline/online..but both are as real as each other.
Lots have been said but I couldn't change what I felt, the image replaying constantly in my head, only to wake up on Saturday and hear another terrible thing from Nigeria, I had nightmares..i couldn't sleep, I cried. But we move on.

Tuesday, was my graduation and I have had to ask myself what next? One of the graduants didn't even live to see the day... I appreciated every moment of it. What my family had done, what i'd done..I hold these memories in my heart. I'm at a point where I have to make solid decisions on how I want to move forward. They will not be popular ones, I know myself..But for the sake of my sanity and quality of Life I want for my self I must make them. I just want to take a deep breath and learn from every experience that I've been or I'm going through...One thing I always have at the back of my head though is that, Change is inevitable..the snow will not always fall, even in Caledonia..