.............

Omword, i'm so emotional, i miss my family

and i'm crying buckets as i type this.

Beyond Google maps.

Do you sometimes feel like jumping out of yourself
and viewing the world like an omnipresent would?

I do.

It usually comes together

Now that I'm at the finals of my Masters programme, I finally see how many things have come together and quite nicely too.

When i was much much younger, i never ever ever wanted to be a Doctor or an Engineer for example i knew things i didn't want to be, i knew things i didn't want to do, but i was highly confused on what to pick for University studies.

I considered, Human Psychology... I've always been interested in the mind, the way it works and how it affects all other aspects of us. But c'mon....Even though this is what my dad studied, my parents woulda been like..'Whaaaa' trust Naija parents.

I considered Vet Medicine just because i like animals,...Dogs especially...and certain breeds...imagine.. wasn't too serious a choice but..lol. I remember when we found out Barty had a cataract i was like, i shoulda done this, ya know! hehe.

I considered Dentistry if i was to become a 'doctor' this was it...but to spend my days staring down #%^& mouths..i choked on my salad.

I considered, Architecture....yeah i've always known how to draw, very well..and i loved design, but i can remember my dad telling me 'it wouldn't get you a job'. I didn't understand then, but i understand now that it isn't exactly what you do in University, that gets you a job. I kinda still wish i had done this...but i probably wouldn't have made it through, because i dislike drawing within specifications. 

The other things i liked, were basically unavailable and my parents wouldn't have had it, I tried applying to schools in US, but i got lazy over the process. so i had to stick to what was obtainable. 

I.T was the big buzz word then..Anyways 7years after, I'm proud to be an Engineer. My Masters course finals, i am able to do something with Multidisciplinary interactions...my Thesis is based on this.

I am working on Architecture, Product design, Graphic design, Psychology, Ergonomics, Adult Health, Management, Engineering processes... e.t.c its awesome

The only things that don't factor in here are Vet Med and Dentistry..in fact my teeth are so bad, i have to use sensitive toothpaste at my age and stage...but who knows what would happen next...

oooh ooh I see the Sun, Hoppings fair...lets go!

Maybes...

I love the way the Geordies make a plural of may be.

But there's a girl I wish was my friend,
I could marry her, but the world would say we are lesbians.

Nneka.

Maybes.

Follow me, I Follow you.

It all started with Susan Blackmoore and her book, The Meme machine...then I watched her presentation on TED. I made notes on the book because it raised very interesting points. things that had never crossed my mind before...i love books like that. But no I didn't buy into all that was said, however something struck me. The propensity of Humans to Imitate and the Theory of the Memes it is indeed a strange thing i thought, we are the only creatures that imitate ourselves...even with the mega intelligent brain we have. What really is stopping us from harnessing this energy. Some say it is Adam's curse...

I also had a discussion with my Thesis supervisor when he was still my DE Context lecturer. We had been walking to the studio after a lecture at the Design School. The question that arose between us was..If Everyone had the tool wouldn't it be chaotic, i leaned towards Yes, at the point but now i'm sure. Yes, it could be chaotic, but it is easily avoided and yes also, Everyone has the tool. Everybody can innovate, Everybody can be Creative. Everyone can design something. Raw Energy is chaotic and if it isnt harnesseed and put through proper channels there in lies the danger.

I believe we need to wake up, take charge of our consciousness, return to subjectivity, Question things more often. I overheard one of my coursemates yesterday say 'Why do i like what i like?' it was really strange hearing that and i smiled, because i'd been reading a blog http://youarenotsosmart.com just a day before and had read such.

We need to let go and return to ourselves.

But...

I'm extremely moody, but this kinda cheered me up
and i think i can sleep with a lil smile

Dustin Brown.

On a positive note....

I had a weird day, what with getting lost, Then the Ghana-Germany game started and Ghana disgraced me with bringing Juju and not scoring a thing! glad they still went through sha. Then, i got another rejection email....Also the rice i try to boil turns into Tuwo shinkafa....

Anyways.......

I was among those picked to speak at a TED-Like conference by Sense Worldwide in Lon. I feel like Chimamanda already. lolol. All expense paid and everything. 

Two things are going to make me stand out at the Conf..not that i don't already stand out and without trying.....I'm the only 'Black' person from my school, and possibly at the Conf.

Yeah you guessed it..

One, The Quality of my speech and how long i can hold a debate...oops i forgot, i will be speaking about my thesis question.

Two, Outfit!!

Wheew i'm tired.

Lost!

I was only trying to get to my mates to watch the game!
And this is the second time, losing my way in the quayside
not going there again!!!!! :'''(

The Source

You know, people don't consider the source of things enough. The root of the matter, of any matter is usually key to solving or understanding the issues you face...

err ok I'm not going that deep...

Just talking mostly about what people may say about you. Once upon a time, some one randomly started chatting with me on facebook and says that someone who I know thinks I'm @#%^&*( ok..something i can't remember right now. So I ask 'Who is this person?' and he replies why? I told him I needed to consider the source of the information he just brought to me. When he says who, I shrug it off, because the 'Source' was totally irrelevant to me and my life.

The Human Race

You know that's the way i see it. One Race..Human, Finito! I wonder why only the Fantasy books and games seem to get this. You have the Human Race, The Orcs, The Elves, The Demons...e.t.c Clear cut differences, but ooh no leave it to humans, we always look for the littlest thing to discriminate against...Levels of Melanin, shape of eyes??? Sometimes I can't help but laugh like a mad man at the ridonkulity of this Race matter.

F%^K!

Am i the only one who dislikes this?

I really do, when used with the wrong elements. Take rice for example....pisses me off.

Ye are Gods!

I woke up this morning feeling like playing Black & White

Its a PC game, so many Video-game type jocks, won't like it. Its the closest feeling i got when i was 16 to being a god , pun intended! yes go pun!

You had the choice to be a good or bad god. Depends on your overall strategy, plus you had to keep in mind, you werent the only god in town.

I was bad at first, but i did some good deeds. I dropped people in the oceans, sent my minions to terrorize them.....kinda evil...woulda worked, but i felt 'bad'. Hearing their tiny cries 'We need food' 'We need offsprings' 'Help! my brother is lost at sea'

I saw how long they prayed at my altar for miracles.....i became a good god!! I was so fricking good, they began to take me for granted, my altars were abandoned, they ignored my minions, they didnt 'wow' at my miracles

Pretty ungrateful people! i had to sir things up.............then my PC crashed. >.<

All my hard work...Since then i havent had the opportunity to play the game, and my current PC just wouldnt do. If i manage to get a new PC asap, i would install it right after Alpha Centauri... #gamesthatchangedmylife

The Butterfly Effect

Driving me insane!

Wharraday

Massive day, Massive headache, Massive egos..i'm beyond spent! The only thing im capable of doing now, is eat, sleep and rant some gibberish. My headache well....take drugs or just sleep on it

Spent too many unintended hours doing project work, wanted to shed buckets at one point because i was tired of hearing people speak. I really just wanted to yell 'keep quiet please!!' but my head kept on pounding....

After that, after Four hours!! i managed to get to the Design Symposium, just in time for the Key-Note, glad i made that, sad i missed lunch

When it was over, hung out with a couple of coursemates over drinks and strawberry dipped in cream, nice..but i dont trust oyinbo food u see.

My head still pounding, i tell them i cant wait for the degree exhibition...so i walk away with stolen popcorn...in my bag. Well...not exactly illegal but i crashed the exhibition, it wasn't declared open yet, but hey i couldnt wait.and i didnt know. The only sad thing was the popcorn was salted. blaargh!

Anyways i came away with lessons and as i reflect they keep adding up.

One, check the weather before going out....i swear this is driving me crazy, cos its been as hot as hell today.

Two, Always carry food in your bag..........i suffered mild insanity due to lack of food, and nowhere to buy em

Three, Learn to network better.........the only way people knew i was there was cause i was the only 'Black' person.

Four, Everything the keynote speaker spoke about.......plus she mentioned Nigeria, a plus in my books!

She's the kind of person i'd like to be when i grow up

Then on my way home i encounter Mr-Blast-from-the-past, saying stuff like 'i've not heard from you since'

I dont understand how someone who has your number can say stuff like that. I don't go around telling people 'i havent heard from you'..when i know fully well, if i wanted to hear from em, i would call.... amazing! You don't hear from people because you don't wanna, don't fake anything jo.

Anyways South Africa is about to play #worldcup 

they better win, while i tuck in to enjoy the game with my popcorn.:(

A source of wonderment

“Integrity is the recognition of the fact that you cannot fake your consciousness, just as honesty is the recognition of the fact that you cannot fake existence. 
Honesty is the recognition of the fact that the unreal is unreal and can have no value, that neither love nor fame nor cash is a value if obtained by fraud''

Went for a great BBQ yesterday, i laughed so hard i began to have headaches...much fun! but hey has nothing to do with what follows,..well maybe it does.

I honestly cannot figure out in my mind, why some people bother to bother, like I've said before i hate Limbo. So if you so much as dislike me, why go through the trouble of letting me know, after I've let you go. Life is not that hard now. I know some people cannot fathom, my 'unneed' for so much people in my life. It is not in my make-up, its the way i am. The fewer the people in my life the better, makes for great peace of mind. It also doesnt mean i don't like people, infact my heart bleeds for people..but i'd rather stay apart than have you shatter what's left.

I wake up to get hate-mail and all sorts of posts, pray tell what i'm supposed to use all this useless info for. Yea you have probably shown me that you still exist , and haven thought I'd successfully ignored you, i have to start the process again.lol,.. well not that bad, but really. it won't make me hate or like you more. Thats the simple fact, it does nothing..infact it would only confirm my decisions. I really wish i could exchange the info for money or buy kuli kuli with it , something ya know!

*Sigh*..Humanity, and to think i try so hard, people cannot appreciate honesty, and integrity..i would never apologize for who i am. I will still wonder, Idealists will always wonder, but the Realist side of me knows, this is the way the world is, and i cannae change a thing.

In the shower pt.1

I love the shower, god bless whoever invented this. One of my favorite places to be of all time

Anyways, I also tend to be at my best (i think), whether im belting out tunes or giving a speech at the UN, it all takes place under the shower.

Its amazing what water can do to somebody's spirits, oh my word, i've forgotten a bit of what i wanted to blog about...

Amazing

This video just sends me to some places....
then play an Enigma song alongside,
i would be in a trance.

Life is wasted on people

Watched a movie at the Tyneside today, Greenberg..obviously not for everybody. i mean if dish dish bam bam is your kinda movie, Do not watch this!

I probably wont have watched this at a cinema but hey! it was student night..so.yeah.

Well, The movie is about a New-Yorker, recently out of the hospital after a nervous breakdown. He house sits in LA and finds himself in a desperate but very honest display of the human need to connect and not feel alone with his brother's 25 year old assistant. The plot is somewhat relevant, but way more interesting is all the beautiful awkward, and all too common moments of life that, well, just happen. Stiller has a haunting way of being neurotic and self-consumed, yet thoughtful and full of heightened awareness

I really did like it, there were odd moments of sexual stuff and nakedness.. i mean i was watching the movie with a guy friend..Awkward!! cos i still get really embarrassed about such.

Anyway,  laughed a lot, quit loudly too, i was convinced Stillers character was an INFJ with major OCD issues

The only low point was, popcorn was hella expensive..gawd!lol, and some old man, turned and spoke some geordie gibberish, i still don't to this moment know exactly what he was trying to complain about.

Recommended movie!

How did i sleep?

I doze off, I know not the time and the hour, only to wake up at 8am.
I must have slept well, my fire was still roaring..kept me warm.

I'm still smarting from yesterday, I really lost a lot of ground because what i set out
to do for the day didn't fall in line.
As per the dog event, i feel bad about disappointing someone more so than about
missing the actual event.
I placed my needs high above..bla bla..it''ll pass :(

Right now, I have two major tasks,
get to school asap, and explain to my thesis tutor why i didnt hand in my literature review
yesterday.

I was taken by emotions yesterday, after priding myself with the fact that i don't
allow emotions control me, but it did, it did. it did.... lessons? oh yeah.. many.lol

off i go!

All I see is Green

Over a couple of months, i've come to realise i can only take Green apples, grapes, bananas..e.tc
Some people think its proper weird, but you know me, i usually consider the source before thinking twice about anything. There are people who would find waking up everyday as weird sef..pscheww.lol

So i realised i preferred the tastes of these ones, its a sour nice taste and its working for md, not like I would never eat other varieties but these do it for me :)
O my i think ive had too much  perry, i need to sleep.............

More INFJ stuff

I hope I aint obsessing too much, I took this test last year, but had to write a report lately which used aspects of it, so I've been reading stuff and I'm sharing :)

Of the sixteen type personalities, only about 2% of the population fall into this category, so consider yourself pretty privileged to know me! In practical terms, that means I'm pretty quiet around new people but a wonderful, faithful and a fiercely loyal friend once you get to know me. I usually vacillate between completely serious and totally crazy. I am generally quick witted and full of contradictions such as, I like control, but prefer to be the passenger and the listener. I am very easy going, easy to get along with, and extremely tolerable of most any situation. I'm very attentive and understanding.

The INFJ takes his/her energy from the inner world of thoughts and emotions. He/she prefers dealing with patterns and possibilities, particularly for people, and makes decisions using personal values. 

His/her life is organized on a personal basis. He/she often has a private sense of purpose in life, and works steadily to fulfil that goal. He/she demonstrates a quiet concern for people, being interested in helping them to develop and grow. He/she is good at developing insight into people, though it can often remain unexpressed.

(I) Introversion:
People who prefer introversion tend to focus on the inner world of ideas and impressions.
(N) iNtuition:
People who prefer intuition tend to focus on the future, with a view toward patterns and possibilities.
(F) Feeling:
People who prefer feeling tend to base their decisions primarily on values and on subjective evaluation of person-centered concerns.
(J) Judgement:
People who prefer judgment tend to like a planned and organized approach to life and prefer to have things settled.

Quietly forceful, original, and sensitive. Tend to stick to things until they are done. Extremely intuitive about people, and concerned for their feelings. Well-developed value systems which they strictly adhere to. Well-respected for their perseverance in doing the right thing. Likely to be individualistic, rather than leading or following.

INFJs are warm and affirming people who are usually also deep and complex. They're likely to seek out and promote relationships that are intense and meaningful. They tend to be perfectionists, and are always striving for the Ultimate Relationship.

For the most part, this is a positive feature, but sometimes works against the INFJ if they fall into the habit of moving from relationship to relationship, always in search of a more perfect partner. In general, the INFJ is a deeply warm and caring person who is highly invested in the health of their close relationships, and puts forth a lot of effort to make them positive. They are valued by those close to them for these special qualities. They seek long-term, lifelong relationships, although they don't always find them...sad eh

INFJ Strengths

--Warm and affirming by nature
--Dedicated to achieving the ultimate relationship Sensitive and concerned for others' feelings
--Usually have good communication skills, especially written
--Take their commitments very seriously, and seek lifelong relationships....100% true
--Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)....80% true
--Good listeners......depends on the person.lol, but 100% true
--Are able to move on after a relationship has ended (once they're sure it's over)....100% true!!

INFJ Weaknesses

--Tendency to hold back part of themselves....very much so
--Not good with money(untrue) or practical day-to-day life necessities....well to an extent
--Extreme dislike of conflict and criticism.....I DO NOT like conflicts oooh, very unsettling
--Have very high expectations for themselves and others (both a strength and weakness)
--Have difficulty leaving a bad relationship...... I don't think so

INFJs are warm, considerate partners who feel great depth of love for their partners. They enjoy showing this love, and want to receive affirmation back from their mates.They are perfectionists, constantly striving to achieve the Perfect Relationship. This can sometimes be frustrating to their mates, who may feel put upon by the INFJs demanding perfectionism. However, it may also be greatly appreciated, because it indicates a sincere commitment to the relationship, and depth of caring which is not usually present in other types. 

Sexually, INFJs view intimacy as a nearly spiritual experience. They embrace the opportunity to bond heart and soul with their mates. As service-oriented individuals, it's very important to them that their mates are happy. Intimacy is an opportunity for the INFJ to selflessly give their love, and experience it in a tangibleway. Match with ENTP or ENFP.

"Idealists" (INFJ) search for ideal love, longing to find the perfect "soul mate" with whom they can share their inner lives

Limbo!

If you aren't catholic, or you just saw or heard this word for the first time, you'd probably think its a South American form of dance, one where you would 'ben-low' on the sands of a crystal blue beach. pretty picture eh. you would be right but I wish that's what I was talking about. *sigh*

Limbo is hell...on the edge they say. but it could be worse than the supposedly 'worst' thing. I was on the bus going to school (seems like i do a lot thinking on the bus these days) but limbo just popped into my head, I don't want to be in limbo I thought quite strongly. I love to know where I stand with people.

I don't like people that confuse me, those are people who are opaque and I cant really discern. People tend to drain me, but i know i have the right person when i get sparks of energy, even if they drain me after a while. But for folk who are opaque, they give me such a hard time.

I don't have time for time-wasters really.lol, like a South African song says, its either ngedwathanda or ngedwayeka, you either 'love' me or you leave me alone...no limbo.
Everything or Nothing.
Thank you.

Signed: MGNT.

Vuvuzela

Doesnt this word sound like a disease?
The sound is even worse,
Like a million zillion bees
Like a trillion Anopheles around your head
Like the worst traffic jam ever.

So irritating and annoying on unimaginable scales
i suggest they hire some Nigerian Horns!

iLike

I'm sure by now, everyone knows how much I love dogs, I would even be participating in the Great North dog walk on Sunday to raise money for dogs in sheds and shelters.

I love dogs, but not all dogs..abi, dog pass dog.lol
I met this cute big dog on my way home today,
Just the way i like my dogs......Husky

Hypnotized by Colour

I was riding on the bus today, and had this crazy feeling.
I had been looking at this girl, from when she boarded the bus
I had thought,
I love her jacket, her skirt..ooh my word, she's my kind of person!
But then she had these colours on.
I had thought,
Lovely colour, I wish I had a scarf and tights in that colour
Then I started to fall.
I was being hypnotized,
I never thought,
Colours would have this effect on me
This colour could have this effect on me
I thought,
Am I dreaming?, figments?
I smiled,
I really do love this and whatever happens doesn't matter.

What mystery!, this colour, Emerald.

Experimentology

So i made eba with a microwave,
honestly its the best i've ever made

haaaaaaaaaa

oh my word! I havent even gotten off the back of that rant,
and i already have another!

People who say 'i just wanted to say hi'
after rolls of conversation that have you frustrated..
KMT!

Sharing you, Slaying me

Just a lil rant before my anger fades away.
Social networking sites, is a lot of things, many of which i like.
But over-sharers piss me off!

I remember tweeting quite vehemently on the matter, but my points
were directed at the fact that perhaps, you not only have to deal with
a break-up, you have to see it plastered all over the interwebs.

One minute you are their profile picture, the next minute, its someone else.
you have to deal with facebook status like 'I have found love at last'
Tweet messages like, @soandso i love you till i die, and plenty heart-wrenching
truths or lies or have-no-clues.

What happened to privacy, decorum? considerations.

I honestly don't know how people handle these things, but for me..
even though separation was mutual and amicable, i wouldn't want to see what they
are up to next and see it plastered all over the world.
it obviously wont be enough to 'un-friend' them, or 'unfollow' as the case may be,
because hey..its the interwebs, you are interconnected with others, and you will still encounter
the persons on one level or another.

Yeah you know you have to deal with people moving on, but i'm sure it would be just as annoying
if you saw them everyday, saw ur -ex (i hate this term) every single day, and in your house, with this person
all over themselves, imagine! lol

Solutions, Get off the SNS? i think not, (maybe for some people, not for me at this point)
I just think people should quit over sharing jo, and try to be considerate of their fellow man, that can't be too hard abi?
Over and out.

Something i found

INFJ Women

They are sensual
Their inner beauty, essential
Allow me to send them my regards
In the sky of intellectuals
They are stars

A different kind of sensuality
Caught between dream
And reality

An inner world for few to find
A hidden treasure
To which most are blind

They enchant me
With their unnatural naturality
They entrance me
Cast a spell on me
With their peaceful audacity

Is it so wrong to patronize
In this thought of mine
Alone agonize
Thinking they are sexy
Sensual women in disguise

INFJ women are sexy
Beautiful inside
Sensual on the outside
Angels in nature
Amazing on both sides

Steve Palaras

The Protector

Thats what one of the profiles says my type is...
Confused?
Thought as much.

Errhm, One of the first semester requirements for a particular module was to take a test called the Myers-Briggs Type indicator test. There are 12 identified types and if you do the test honestly to the best of your ability and thinking faculty. You should get something atleast 80% accurate, i kid you not. This is a tried and tested measure..of course its not perfect, how can?!? but it hits the spot at some points.

So well i came up as an 


INFJ

What’s it like to be me?

The quest for more knowledge, the meaning of life, the philosophical questions—my mind is always occupied, and what’s exciting is when I get to follow through with an insight and do something. I am an abstract future thinker, looking at things from different perspectives. I’m about the relationships and possibilities and enjoy anything with deeper meaning that leaves me wondering, with more questions to ask and things to untangle. Connecting for me means being able to intuitively ask questions of people to get them to go deeper into the things they are talking about.

Inspiring others, helping them find their purpose or meaning, being a different kind of leader from what’s traditional—that’s really gratifying. I just do that naturally. The challenge is opening up people’s minds to have their own original thoughts. I’m a listener and guide.

I think I am a mystery to people. They never really understand me and part of me enjoys that. More often though, I long to be understood.

I tend to approach my day with a structured way of getting things accomplished. People see me as organized, thorough, and easy to get along with, pulling my own weight and eager to help out when called upon. But I’m not as outgoing or as critical as I may sometimes appear. I need a balance between people contact and working on creative projects and will break away from interactions when I get tired out. If I don’t have some long-term goals, then what’s the point

I tend to intuitively read people very quickly, but I have to be cautious not to make assumptions. I’m an observer. I get a feeling when people are interesting, and I watch from a distance, make some assessments about the situation, and then approach them and engage in conversation. I put a little bit out and a little more and see how that goes. Do I trust and like them, are they who they say? I have a few deep friendships. A friendship comes best when it is worked to develop that investment. I quickly pick up on sincerity and withdraw if the person is superficial or obviously doesn’t care. When I see people who abuse their power or won’t stand behind what they say, that ticks me off. It’s about integrity. I feel other people’s feelings, and taking on that burden can make me too intense and serious, where I can’t be spontaneous and fun loving...

Everything revolves around growth. Caring is about the ability to help others grow. What I bring is caring about people, not things. If we spent more time trying to understand each other’s point of view, to communicate more effectively, we would grow. In an honest, open, sincere relationship, I can accomplish anything. My challenge is to create those kinds of relationships. 

I respect most the person who is willing to come forth and be an individual—to make the world a better place, or make a difference in a person’s life, where we reach each other’s hearts.

Love Potion

 

My friend says he is sure I must feel lonely. I like my friend, he got married last year, and believes we all should follow suit. But do some people ever stop to think for one second that not all must apply to everyone. I am still discovering who I am, as we all are. And one thing I have uncovered so far is, boy o boy, i don't like to waste my time with folk whom I cannot respect their minds. It kills me. People who haven't for one second, questioned anything. I don't understand how anyone could live like that.

Anyway, So he says I must need someone after a long day at school, to come back to and..well you get the picture. To be honest, at this point in time, I'd rather come back to a bucket of ice-cream and a cool bed, than anything else. I honestly don't think I'm lonely, but i do feel it would be really nice to have someone, maybe i am... But its not a matter of life or death. and i am not willing to compromise. I absolutely love Simon Cowell! #Random. lol

I was invited to a 'thing' at a club last night but in my usual fashion, weighed my options and opted out. I love my space, I love who I am uncovering. some think that's not enough, some reckon I'm untrue to myself..oh well. So i figured possibly the only way out of this would be to drink this potion, and yeh probably fall in love with the first human i see. If i see my local Pakistani Hip Hop Hooray, my own don finish o!